drawn - h.s.

iii.

[ellie’s pov]

 

“You’ve done your homework love?” I could hear my mum yell from downstairs. I would have ignored her - if it wasn’t for the fact, that I knew she would come up if I didn’t give her a reply. That much I had learned after the visits at the psychiatrists. If they just believed I was getting ‘normal’ they wouldn’t bother me. They wouldn’t try to figure out why I was ‘inclosing myself’ why I ‘shut off the world around me’.

“Yeah!” I replied loudly from my spot on the floor. I lay outstretched on my stomach resting on my one elbow, while I in the other hand held a small paint brush.

“Great honey - dinner is ready in five. We’re eating in the garden!”

I didn’t have to answer that - but I did anyway just to make sure they thought I was doing fine; “okay!”

I crossed my legs in the air, as I dipped the brush in the glass of water, which had grown quite unclear at this point. I lay in a beam of sunshine, which travelled in through the open window. Humming a tune I didn’t know where I had heard, I let the brush carefully slide over the petal of the flower. Giving it a darker shade of the lavender color to create dimension in the drawing.

I liked it best like this - up here in my room, which was the highest located in the house - just under the roof. I liked it best up here alone drawing.

The walls were slanting on either side. A smaller window was placed at the end of the room - the other wall was covered with books. You could only get up here by using the ladder - which was why they didn’t come up here too often to check on me. Maybe that was also a reason I liked it up here so much. 

As the summer breeze briefly touched the exposed part of my legs I felt perfectly comfortable, as I put the finishing touch to the drawing of the flower I had been working on today.

I lifted the paint brush for a moment letting it hover in the air, while looking over the work, but I couldn’t concentrate. Instead my eyes drifted from the flower to my bed - where my bag lay. The exact place I had left it when I had gotten home. It lay on the low single bed on the cream white bed blanket - and that picture was still safely hidden inside of it. That picture of him. Of the boy with the green eyes, who had been fighting the smile so strongly his dimples had shown.

I lay there staring at the place where my bag lay, as a couple of water drops fell down from the paint brush. Three to be exact. I heard the slight splashs as they hid the thick cardboard, which I had placed under the drawing to avoid getting painting on the wooden floor. My mum would kill me if that happened.

“Ellie! Dinner is ready! You coming honey?”

Her voice made me jump slightly in surprise, as the image of the curly haired boy disappeared from my eyes. I was still laying on the floor - and the picture was still inside the bag. But I didn’t need the picture of him to recall every detail. Every charming feature, which made my heart warm up a little.

I sighed and speedily cleaned the paint brush, while making sure my mother wouldn’t suspect anything, “yeah I’m coming now!”

I would take it out tonight before I went to sleep. The picture I mean. I would look at it just one more time. I got up - my white t-shirt sticking to my skin. There were marks on my thighs after having been on the floor for so long.

I sighed again before I moved to the ladder - I guess I was kind of hungry by now, but I would still rather have stayed up here than sit down with them and pretend to actually try and socialize. Even if they were family - it didn’t really say me much talking about everything and nothing.

But I just had to stick through it - tonight I would reward myself with just one last glance at him. One last before I would throw away the picture of Harry. A single goodnight, then I would let him go. Before I would end up doing something reckless and stupid.  

[harry’s pov]

The gently rumbling sound of the flight’s engine kept me awake - or maybe it was the jetlag, which had seemed to be haunting me for a week straight by now. It wasn’t often we stayed long enough in one place to get used to the time difference. But that was about to change and I couldn’t wait. Absent mindedly I doodled some silly childish things such as a sun with sunglasses and a pretty pathetic flower with thorns on the napkin.

Outside it was dark - but it was a short flight luckily; one from the JFK airport to the Ringway International airport. My thoughts drifted off in a blurry disconnected direction. A stream of ideas and things I had once heard or maybe read or maybe experienced.

A moment of complete silence, while being all at your own was a rare thing in my life. Hell I wasn’t even sure I had tried this for weeks. So I always felt somehow overwhelmed with all the space to simply think things over - usually we were always going at a high speed pace. Concert. Signing. Screams. Photoshoot. Concert. Flight. Interview. Screams. Photos. Lyrics. Music. Meetings. Shows.

It had been so unbelievably incredible but so very surrealistic - and with the lack of moments where you could stop up and look at what was going on around you - it almost seemed as if I was living in a dream. All the events just floated together. The days. The years. The shows. Life.

If it hadn’t been for the lads I would have believed it was all just my imagination and probably lost my grip of reality - but they were definitely real. They kept me grounded - or at least to some degree.

I smiled out into the darkness at the thought of them. It was just about midnight.

But the next week would be great. Would be more quiet. More restful. A week at home. Gemmy would come home as well just for the occasion of me actually having an entire week off. The excitement and the realization of how much I had actually missed them washed in over me suddenly - as a crushing wave as I saw their beautiful familiar smiles. I picked my phone of - newest model just a few days old - unlocking it I quickly found the message, which I had re-read countless of times;

Mum: can’t wait to have you in my arms again you crazy boy. have a safe flight love. can't wait.

My smile grew wider, as my thumb carefully stroke the side of the shiny phone - almost as if I could cherish the message better in that way.

I felt an incredibly strong feeling of homesickness here in the dark suddenly - as if the plane wasn’t moving fast enough. As if getting home couldn’t go fast enough. My heart craved almost hurtfully to see them again - mum and Gemma. The house, that familiar scent, watching stupid tv shows in the morning…

For a moment I felt breathless there in the dark cabin, as I closed my eyes and imagined how the sunbeams would crawl in through the windows and uplight us, all three of us would lay on the couch tugged in our duvets, the three steamy mugs placed behind us at the windowsill within reach. How Gemma’s laughter would be muffled by the duvet, as her eyes excitedly would watch the screen, which showed off an episode of Top Gear or America’s Funniest Homevideos - or whatever she had decided on. How mum would mostly just sit and sneakily watch us instead of the actual show - as if she constantly had to make sure we were actually there. A smile would play on her lips the entire time, while she would enjoy every second of having us home.

"Goodnight Harry."

I turned around in my seat absolutely sure a female voice had just whispered the words in the dark. But there was no one in sight. I was completely alone here in the firstclass session. Completely alone.

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