drawn - h.s.

ix.

[ellie’s pov]

I didn’t even get the chance to say hi to my dad, as I flew up the stairs to my room in the attic. The light was strange this hour a day, like you could almost sense the darkness would come soon. It was kind of a magical light actually. My mum had picked me up from the cinema an hour before that movie, what was the name? Before Sunrise? Would start to be shown. I had mumbled some rubbish excuse again as Maddie had tried convincing me into staying. Though Maddie had seemed terribly disappointed, Kit had smiled politely again and told me 'next time maybe'. But the thing was I hadn’t even been able to focus on Kit and Maddie’s discussion about the movie neither their talk about some Australian singer songwriter who had a gig in town, as my thoughts had been so terribly much else where. After what Kit had told me about 'following your instinct'; I just couldn’t stop it. I just couldn’t. The sight of the curly haired guy was everywhere. Harry. Harry. Harry.

The window was still open in my room so the slightly colder air had made the room temperature drop to a comfortable somewhat chilly one - usually there would be a million degrees in here after a summer day like this one. I held my breath as my eyes flew over the room. A few papers had flown onto the floor and a few late sunbeams were still reflecting in the colorful gemstones that were lined up in the windowsill.

I held my breath while gathering my courage. A moral debate was storming inside of me; my sensible part told me this was insane, while my irrational part kept showing me the image of those so very mesmerizing green eyes and all the secrets they held so very playfully.

Releasing the air, I found a large white piece of paper - my favorite kind to use. The little silver chest filled with ink pens and colored pencils was where I had left it last time on the floor. I seated cross legged on the floor by the window just looking over the huge piece of naked paper. Right now there were no symbols, no lines, no demands of thoughts or expressions to touch the heart of the viewer. It merely contained the opportunity to be something more; reflect my inner thoughts if I wanted it to. It could go from clean to dirty if I wanted it to. Stained, marked, claimed, drawn. It could be anything and everything.

I picked up my favorite pencil with the black wooden body, that felt so familiar to the touch. My heart beating like a hummingbird's, I let the tip of the pencil hover over the paper for a few seconds. I saw every line, every shadow, every perfect angle, and nuance before me. How they would form the perfect recreation of that picture of him. Every small imperfect line which made the entirety so beautiful still.

Holding my breath, I brushed the pencil over the paper starting on the portrait. The usual feeling I had grown to love started too; how heat seemed to travel from the pencil and into my skin. Spreading out into my fingertips, my slender fingers, palm of the hand, wrist. The warmth would grow higher and higher up my body, as I progressed with the piece. It would drag me in. Have me completely absorbed in the process. But this time the heat felt slightly different. It wasn't like the feeling of spreading warmth that usually came when I would draw flowers. This felt warmer; like the temperature of a human body. Like a pulse was running through the pencil and into me.

 

[harry’s pov]

“You’re driving so fucking slowly!” I stated annoyed again, while drumming my fingertips against my knee. Gemma looked stunned over at me, not increasing the speed as I wished she fucking would. I needed something. I was restless. My heart was beating from it; I was addicted to something I didn’t know what was and I craved it so bloody much it almost hurt at this point.

“I’m already driving as fast as I’m allowed to douche,” Gemma stated sending me an annoyed sideways glance again. I sighed heavily and let a hand through my hair. Eyes travelling uneasy. It was almost evening and the light summer air blew in through the open window trying to wash away my annoyance, but without luck. I sighed heavily again. Moved in the seat.

“Oh come on. Live a little!” I had no idea why I was yelling at her to break the law. It made no sense, but I couldn’t stop myself. I wanted to get out the car and just run. Run for something I had no idea what was. The feeling was even worse than my sleepless night the other day. I had had this feeling the entire day - but not as bad as it felt now. This was unbearable. It didn't exactly hurt - I just couldn't control it. I needed something and I didn't understand what or why that was. I could just feel it like small delicate butterfly wings were fluttering inside my stomach, as if they knew something I should be excited for was soon to come. But I couldn't understand what it was! What was I waiting for!

“What’s up with you? You’re so tensed! We’re just going to watch an outdoor movie, Harry. There’s no need to be worried. Is it the job stressing you out my little curly superstar?” My mum spoke with a gentle voice from the back seat, while leaning forth, and putting a comforting hand on my shoulder. It didn't help.

Was it the job? Was it just side effects from suddenly having an actual vacation from having had show after show, travelling from country to country months in a row?

I clenched my fist against my knee, while resting my head in my other, and staring out at the road stretching out before us, “I’m sorry. I… I don’t know. Yeah, I guess. Sorry.” I tried so hard to relax, but I just couldn't.

My every cell was vibrating in my body. I felt so warm and ached for something or someone. What was it! I took a deep breath; I had no idea what was going on with me. My mum had returned her attention to whatever on her phone and Gemma had turned on some music from the radio. I closed my eyes tightly, anticipating what was going to happen next. Surely this was building up to something but what? What was wrong with me? I could feel my nails dig into the skin of my hands; deeper and deeper. And right when I was about to let it all out with a loud scream of frustration - something changed.

My eyes flew up in confusion, as all that - craving, yearning, aching seemed to find an aim of some sort. It was like a fine delicate line was circling it all in giving me the ability to breathe easier. Helped me gather my thoughts. Helped me see past the blurriness of what I so desperately needed. My breathing became more controlled and I let my eyes follow the white stippled line on the road, which was bleary from the speed.

“We’re almost there,” Gemma sang sending me a smile already have forgiven me for yelling at her. She made a turn in the outskirt of the city and the little cinema I remembered from my childhood came into sight, as she found a parking spot under a blooming cherry tree. While she cut the engine, I couldn’t take my eyes off the beautiful building with the elegant golden cursive letters reading The RoseCinema and right beneath it was that vintage black board with white letters you could arrange as you pleased to show that tonight the movie Before Sunrise would be shown. Unbuckling my seat belt I couldn’t take my eyes from the golden cursive letters. We all got out of the car but my eyes were still nailed at the little cinema, as had it been one of the seven great wonders of the world.

And then something changed again, the warmth kind of seemed to leave my body just as quickly as it had gotten there. Something was missing so very ardently again.

 

[ellie’s pov]

My pencil dropped from my fingertips and onto the floor, as my mum’s yell had brought me back to reality. I had turned rapidly in the process and stared now horrified at the entrance to the attic, as the now absent warmth felt alien. But there was no one there; and it had just been my mum yelling at me that dinner was ready. As my heart beat steadied I closed my eyes; “I’ll be right down!” My voice sounded weak, shaky.

I waited till the pace of my heart was back to normal before I turned and took in the view of my first portrait so far. It was merely a rough sketch still, but had you seen this guy before you would be able to recognize him even in the rough outlines of his features. How the jawline was sharp, his eyes kindly shaped and the dimples faintly showing. I couldn't help but smile at the sight. Smile at the growing beauty, which was still rough and vague but somehow I was still so filled with happiness I almost couldn't bear it.

I packed it away; carefully hiding the unfinished drawing under my bed with shaky hands.

As I went to pick up the pencil I had dropped it was perfectly cold again; no pulse or warmth ran through it any longer.

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