drawn - h.s.

xvi.

[ellie’s pov]

I was freaking out and when I usually had one of my moments of complete shock or embarrassment or anxiety I grew silent as the grave - this wasn’t an exception. I barely even dared to let my eyes flicker to his side nor move an inch. My heart was in my throat blocking for my breathing and I shivered slightly as I tried lifting the fork. As I noticed, I quickly let it fall to the plate so no one would notice, but of course everyone’s eyes were on me from the shattering noise of the dropping fork.

The reason to this sudden change had been how Harry had kindly starte answering the questions my father had asked about the music industry and it didn’t exactly help to listen to Harry’s voice as he humbly had told about his life and career - in whatever humble way that shooting star story could be told that was. Actually it only made me even more panicked and that tiny bit of control and confident I had had, was washed away like a tsunami hitting shore as I listened to his life story.

“It’s really been an incredible experience, sir. It’s quite something to get the chance to travel the world and see so many people - bring them some sort of happiness,” Harry had said, I had noticed between my panicked thoughts, that he spoke extremely slow and controlled. He had taken a sip of the colored water glass and nodded as my father commented something and he answered, “yeah, the crowds have been amazing on this arena tour.”

My dad asked him about how many shows there were in total and at that time I practically felt like fainting any moment as I finally realized what I had gotten myself into. Who I was sitting next to.

“177, sir. It’s mind blowing for us all - I guess you can never really understand it fully. You just have to deal with life’s strange ways,” Harry had chuckled softly and the way he spoke was as if speaking of some sort of miracle he had been blessed with.

177. 177 arenas all around the world.

“Excuse me,” I murmured abruptly and got up from my chair hoping my legs wouldn’t give after under me. I could feel Harry turn in his seat and my mum was almost standing but I was already hurrying over the grass and into the house. I felt endlessly pathetic; he had travelled the world and lived a life between celebrities and in the spotlight. There were so many people idolizing him and adoring him, meanwhile here I was being absolutely reckless and stupid drawing him, thinking I -  and, and -

“Ellie?” I tensed as I was leaning against the kitchen counter with my back to him. His words were soft and raspy making chills of butterfliy wings cover my body which was edging with fear already. I had no words to speak and my voice was long lost in this moment, so I kept quiet though my heart was hammering like crazy in my chest over him saying my name merely. It wasn’t quite a panic attack - it felt stranger, but the physical traits were the same as a starting one; shivering, heart beating too fast, couldn’t breathe, sight growing blurry. I closed my eyes tightly.

It had felt so right to see him all of a sudden in my garden and have him here - sit next to him. Awkward but still somewhat comfortable, but as he had started telling about reality and the few million people following him on that website; I hadn’t been able to keep myself together. The way my parents had sounded - reacted as you would expect when meeting someone worldwide famous.

“I was just wondering if I can ask you about something?” His words were soft as silk and careful as he stepped further into the little kitchen. He kept his distance while the conflicting emotions in me fought a battle between sensibility and just giving after. Was it insane that I just wanted him to wrap his arms around me? But half of the planet would be watching us it felt like.

I turned around slowly, keeping my eyes on the kitchen floor. I watched his boots noticing they seemed terribly worn - wasn’t millionaires supposed to wear new clothes each and every day or something?