Healing the Heart

Chapter 12

Back to Lauren*

I guess I should have seen it coming. I knew me and Luke we done since he got over here, it just didn't feel the same. Still as much as I kept telling myself I still loved him I knew deep down we were finished. Although this has hit me like a brick wall.

I don't know what to do with myself now that I don't have Luke anymore. Its like I've lost a part of me. I'm devastated, it has only really hit me now. I don't feel like crying though, I think I'm past that. 

Last night I had a dream me and Luke were back in our happy days, we were walking along the beach and kissing cutely every 2 seconds. It was exactly how we were before I left.

Its so hard to believe things change so dramatically, so quickly. Its so weird knowing I'll never be with him again. One minute I think I'm over him completely, then next I think of all the cute things he's ever done and I'm pulled right back in.

I think I'll always have a place for Luke but all I can do now is look froward and move on. I don't regret him coming here at all, at least we now know where we stand in each others life. I do miss him.

My mam interrupted my thoughts by shouted up the stairs informing me that Stephen was here. There was a knock on my bedroom door and he came in.

''Over here'' I mumbled as I sat facing away from my desk holding one of my legs on the seat.

''How are you feeling? Sorry I'm only checking up on you now I just wanted to give you some time to yourself'' Stephen said then sitting down on my bed

He looked really fresh, his hair had gotten longer and he was wearing a fitted dark blue t-shirt

I brushed my hair over to the side

''It's fine and well I'm fine...better then I thought I'd be'' 

''I can't even imagine how hard that must have been'' Stephen said looking at me with concern

I nodded and looked down.

''I loved him'' I said still looking at my carpet

''I know..'' Stephen said 

I climbed onto the bed beside Stephen and hugged him closely. I didn't want to talk about Luke because I knew I would just get myself upset.

''Wana go for a walk?'' Stephen asked

''PLEASE! Should I change?'' I said getting up

''No you look great'' Stephen added

I was wearing my light pink oversized t-shirt and my short light blue denim shorts.

''Hows Kendall?'' I asked as we made our way down the pier

''Shes good''

''Just good?''

''Well were not together''

''Why not?'' I thought him and Kendall made a great couple

''We were together before and it failed miserably so we decided to just keep it casual''

''Fair enough''

We strolled and chatted for a good two hours. It was so scenic around here I hadn't even noticed it before.

''Actually Lauren, I wanted to tell you something'' Stephen said twiddling with his fingers

''Yes?''

''Remember new years? When we were dancing? before Luke came?'' He said not liting his head

''Yes?''

''Well...I know this sounds cheesy and weird but was kinding hoping you would have been my new years kiss''

''Aw Stephen, thats so cute'' I said smiling at him

''No Lauren you know I well em''

''What Stephen?''

We stopped walking and he stood nervously infront of me. I was so confused.

''I wanted you to be my new years kiss because I like you Lauren'' He said slowly lifting his head

I was in shock. I knew everyone said Stephen liked me but since were such good friends I neve though he would say it to my face.

''Woah'' I said taking a step back and taking a deep breath

'' I was not expecting that ''  I said loking up at him

''Me either...Well I didn't expect myself to well er''

''Why didn't you tell me on new years?''

''I didn't expect your ex to show up, I was planning on telling you later that night. I'm sorry for blurting that out I know its such a bad time since the thing with Luke and all..''

''No. No its fine Stephen. '' I said 

I took his hand and walked over to the side of the pier.

''Maybe its because I just expeirced a tough break up or maybe its because were such good friends but I'm sorry I don't feel the same way Stephen'' I said still holding his hand

There was a long pause

''I get you'' Stephen said looking disappointed

''I love you Stephen as a friend, you know that'' 

''I know''

We were interrupted my Kendall. She came strutting over in cream heels, pink shorts and a cream crop top. She looked incredible. Me and Stephen stood awkwardly.

''Hi hun'' She said draping her arms around Stephen and kissing his cheek

I stood back awkwardly

''Hi Lauren!'' She then said hugging me

''Hi Kendall''

''So what are yous up to?'' Kendall asked perkily

''Eh..nothing..Stephen and I were just on a walk'' I said quickly

''Oh nice, mind if I steal him away?'' 

''Work away'' I said smiling fakely at Kendall

I rubbed Stephens arm

''I'll talk to you later'' I said and he nodded

He offered to walk me back but I decided to refuse. I though about what would happen if me and Stephen did get together. Even if I did feel the same way, it wouldn't be worth losing our friendship over.