Light of Hope

Regret

Daniel and I walked to the remains of my house with Terrance. I hadn't seen this place since before the explosion, after it I didn't look back to see just how bad it really looked. As we turned the corner and saw the "house" I stopped dead in my tracks and just stared ahead at the still burning mass of bricks. My mind flashed before me images of countless memories, in such few years, I had in that house, just me and my mum.

Mum.

I sprinted to the wreckage and scrambled to the master bedroom or rather where it was, but no signs of life. I dug in the debris and as I lifted a brick, an arm unfolded from underneath. My eyes watered as I reached for the wrist and felt the pulse, nothing. Suddenly I lost control and tears streamed down my face I sobbed and sobbed until it turned into pointless yelling at the body, "Noooo come on get up!... After all we've been through you had to do this!...It wasn't supposed to end like this!"
I stayed there on my knees for minutes until the anger died down the tears slowed from a stream back to drops. From my rage came sadness and from that sadness came guilt. "I shouldn't have just left, I should've found you and we could've done this together." Finally there came acceptance, acceptance that she was gone and that from now on I'm on my own. "Nevermind now mum, dad's there waiting."
Although I had left my own mother for dead I felt glad for her, glad that she no longer had to live in a world full of constant death and fear. Death and fear that I will stop.