On fire

Panic Attack

     I let my heavy eyes flutter open straining to see because of the brightness of the hospital room. I tilted my head to see if they had brought me the water I asked for before I passed out from exhaustion. They had and condensation was now forming from the ice cold cup of water that my perched throat and mouth sought for. I picked up the cup with my shaky hand trying hard to bring it to my cracked lips without spilling it on me. All I need is ice cold water to sit in my lap until a nurse comes to my aid.

    I successfully drank the entire cup of water. Now my head hurt and realization hit me finally and I let a tear slip out the corner of my eye when a nurse came in a called for a doctor. I was having a panic attack. I have them on a regular basis ever since I was eleven. The doctor came rushing in like I was dying. Technically I was, but I like to think that I'm just dying a bit quicker than everyone else when a panic attack settles in. I can go from crying to kicking and screaming if someone touches me in which case the doctor and a few other nurses had to hold me down and restrain me so I could get a shot. The shot was injected into the inside of my elbow. It was only a few seconds after that it finally kicked it making me feel as if I were in rag doll mode and then everything blurred and turned black.