Still Water

Chapter 3

I sat in class with my head down, doodling sad faces on the side of my work. I was in the way back of the classroom, away from almost everyone.

When I finally look up for the first time all class, I scan over the room. Two empty chairs to my right, and two empty chairs to my left. Everything seemed to be in order, until my eye caught on cabinet that was slightly open.

I quietly excuse myself from my seat and make my way to the cabinet to close it, clicking the pen I still held in my hand.

"Howell, have a seat." Mr. Corrie said, pausing the class. Everyone stopped and looked up at me. My whole body frozen under everyones glare, except my thumb which was rapidly clicking the pen.

I heard quite whispers of the girls sitting right in front of me. They called me crazy, a freak, and insane, but I couldn't  pay them much attention at the moment anyways.

Mr. Corrie coughed awkwardly after what felt like an eternity, and it snapped me out of my stiff state. I quickly put my head down and hurried back to my seat in the back of the class, careful to take the exactly 14 steps back.

My breathing was heavy for the rest of the class.

When the bell rang, it rang 6 seconds before the scheduled bell time, which made me wince.

I walk past my locker, locker number 431. In all my four years at this school, I have never once used it. I don't do odd numbers.

It was time for lunch, and everyone was pushing through the hallways to get to the cafeteria. I had skipped breakfast, and was painfully hangry, but still instead of heading to lunch, I go to the library.

At the door to the library I met with this kid called Josh. His parents didn't have enough money to provide lunch each day, so i always gave him mine. I didn't care for eating too much, no matter how hungry I get.

I walk into the library and pulled out my favorite book from the shelf. I quickly lose myself in the book. By the time the bell rings I'm at page 98.

I end up being late for class, needing to get to page 100 before bookmarking my page.

At the end of the school I walk the 1028 step down the block to my house. I unlocked the door, checking to be sure I relock it behind me. And checking it again to make sure it's locked. And check it one more time. Just to be sure.

"Hi honey, how was school?" My mother asks, just like everything day. I nod in her direction, showing my acknowledgment, but not answering her question, like always.

"Don't forget to take your medication before you go to your room" my mother smiled at me. I nodded again moving to where all my medication was. I took three pills twice a day. For my depression, for my anxiety, and for my OCD. None of which are fun.

Though, it's been like this for a long time now. I've been this broken ever since I killed my best friend. My only friend.

I should die for what I did to him. Mrs. Lester says it wasn't my fault, Obviously she's lying. It's my fault.

The only reason I live with all the guilt is because I know Phil wouldn't want me to die.

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Stay alive, stay alive for me.