Still Water

Chapter 13

"Hey Dan, I was thinking, um, maybe you could possibly come over to my house now that schools done for the day? If you want. You don't have to, of course." Phil said, ending his questions with an awkward cough.

I had no reason to go home, none at all. It's not like my dream mom will worry about me.

"I love to, Phil. That sounds lovely" I smile at him, and nod. His smile grows. Phil skips off to his locker, and I stay in the hall, around the corner from his locker.

After a few minutes Phil comes around the corner with his back pack hung over one shoulder.

I notice,  as we are walking through the halls that everyone seems to move out of mine and Phils way. That move away with a hint of fear in their eyes. It doesn't surprise me though, seeing as phil seems to be a punk or a bully or worse.

I don't have many dreams where phils anything but nice all the time, but sometimes it seems my kinky side kicks in a and suddenly phils dark and mysterious and runs the school with nothing but a mean glare.

We leave the school building without a word to each other.  I don't mind though,  I'm busy watching through pavement  to make sure I don't step on a crack, and I think phils watching me. No, I know phils watching me. I know because I can feel his eyes bore into my skin, like two balls of fire.

"I, uh, like your hair." Phil stutters out after some time of quiet. I laugh softly to myself.

"It's the same style as yours, you idiot." I giggle, looking up at him for just a moment  before looking back at the ground. It was cute how my dreams could replicate the phil I used to know so well into different scenarios.

"Right" he spoke softly, sounding a bit embarrassed.  Embarrassed; a word I never used to describe phil in one of my dreams before. Phil was always so confident around me. I can't remember a time when he wasn't confidant. 

We walked in silence for another few minutes.  I hate silence sometimes

**small trigger warning: panic attack. I'll let you know when it's done**

My mind started to race. Thoughts piling on thoughts. My mind screaming at me.

Phils getting bored.

Say something.

He's gonna hate you.

You can't possibly think that just standing there is enough.

Say something!

the world around me started to go dizzy.  The trees around us blurred Into a green and brown mess. My head started to ache with a dull pain.

I felt my throat tighten and the air go scares.

If you have a panic attack, Phil will just think you're weird. That, or you'll scare him off.

Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Breath out.

I can't breath.

I stop in my tracks, hyperventilating.  Trying to breath.

And phil. He's right there. He's looking at me, but instead of fire, it feels like ice.

"Dan? Dan are you okay?" I can hardly hear phil.  He sounds like he's an ocean away. Tears fall from my eyes, but I stand as unmoving as a statue.

"Dan, it's going to be okay. Focus on your breathing.  Breath in, and out. You're not bothering me. It's going to be alright.  Keep breathing, you're doing great." I hear phils words slowly pull me out of state.

**trigger warning is over**

My breathing slowed, and my body could move from its stiff position at last.

"I'm sorry, phil" I whisper.

"Hey, don't worry about it. I'm here for you" he smiled.

What a weird, weird dream.

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merry Christmas to anyone who celebrates! I got a new phone which in still getting used to, so the spelling might be bad, I didn't check. Haha.

Oh well!

Love you! Bye!

-madi