"who's this, mate?" A boy with curly hair and green eyes made a gesture to me. I was at break with Phil.
He looked so similar to when he died. Usually my dreams aren't this vivid. Usually my dreams don't feel so real.
I think my phone is broken in this dream too, because I haven't gotten any signal since I've been here.
"This is Dan, the new kid." Phil responded to the curly haired kid.
"I know that much, but why is here sitting with you?" The same guy asked, seeming annoyed.
"Because he asked." Phil told him simply. My heart started to swell. My mind turns to all the instances in school where Phil could have stood up for me like this. It's a reassuring thought.
"Are you okay?" Phil asked me, snapping me out of my thoughts. I see that the curly haired kid is gone.
"Yeah. Where did that boy go?" I ask out loud to myself.
"PJ? He just stormed away because you're here. Did you not just see that happen?" He sounds confused.
"Oh, well, um I guess I uh, zoned out or something." I look down at my feet. I shift my feet to get comfortable, careful not to touch the cracks In the tiles.
"Why do you do that?" Phil asked me. I still looked at me feet.
"Do what?" I turned to face his, only to see his head is down the the ground just as mine was moments ago.
"Not step on the tiles, not go to the lockers with odd number, touch the walls in the hall, audibly count your steps. It's weird. Why do you do it?" He asked, turning his head to face mine now. I could see genuine concern and sadness in his eyes.
In most dreams of Phil that I have he's blurry. I can never remember a time a dream has been this clear. I'm thankful for it though, because it's been too longs since I've been able to see the emotions that he pools behind his ocean eyes.
Even though this Phil might be very different from the phil I used to know, he still has the same eyes that will always feel like home to me.
"Oh. That. I do it because I feel like I have to. I do it because the voice in my head tells me bad things will happen if I don't. I do it because I'll feel sick, and want to rip my skin off my body if I don't. I do it because I have OCD." I tell him, diverting my gaze back to the floor.
"Oh" was all he could say. In the corner of my eye I could see him look away.
"I get it. Kind of. I get what's its like to be fighting with your own brain, at least. I have PTSD. When I was seven I got lost from my mom. I live with a nice lady who took me in now. I forgot how I found her, but nevertheless she's lovely. " Phil told me. He didn't look at me still.
Strange. The phils in my dreams, every version of him, never has a sad background. My mind always things up good things for him. Always. My heart ached for him.
"I also have Anxiety, and depression. It all came from when I was little I lost my best friend. " I told Phil. It was weird tell him about how he died. Usually whenever I started to think of phils death I wake up. Why is this so weird?
"I'm sorry. I used to have an imaginary friend to help me get through not being able to find my mom. He was a great imaginary friend called- nevermind. "
I saw something change in phils eyes before he looks away. I wonder why.
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HIGH KEY LOVE THIS CHAPTER. OOPS.
LOVE YOU! BYE!
-Madi
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Still Water
FanfictionDan and Phil were best friends as children, but at a very young age Phil drowned in a pond, and lost his life. Dan grew up traumatized by the loss of his best friend. little did he know that he might be able to see him again, just not in this world.
