"Phil, I really missed you, you know. And as glad as I am to see you again - believe me, in glad! But I just can't stop thinking about how much we've missed out on together. We didn't get to grow up together, go through school together, share secrets. We've missed it all." I sigh. I obviously don't have my medication, and I think the depression is overtaking me. I should be happy. Why can't I be happy?
"I know, but look on the bright side, people don't often get to see people who have died, now do they? We have this, and that's what matters." Phil smiled at me. He's the reason I feel like I can actually see color for the first time in a long time.
"Yeah I know. Phil? Why did you end up all punk? You're not the phil I used to know... not that it's a bad thing." I say, getting kinda shy towards the end.
"No, no, it is a bad thing. I'm mean, and no one really likes me. And I don't know why I even ended up like this... I guess dying really does a number on you, huh?" Phil jokes, but I don't laugh. It's not a real joke. It's more just to lighten the mood. I appreciate that he tries to lighten the mood anyways.
"Do you think, that if nothing ever happened to you... we'd ever date?" I ask, watching through clouds move at a snails pace through the sky. The wind felt wet on my skin, but it was nice.
"I'd like to think so." Phil smirks at me. I see it when I look at him for a second. Though it was not my intention to look at him for this long, his eye's seemed to have caught me in a haze.
"I'd like to think so, too" I whisper. I wonder if he even heard me or if my voice was ripped away by the wind, distorted and never to be heard by anyone. God I sound so poetic when I'm off my meds.
After my attention is brought back to Phil I realize the space between us has gotten smaller and smaller. I look down at his lip right as his eyes start to close. His lips are chapped only slightly and his skin looks so perfect at pale. The offer to kiss him is a tempting one.
The gap between us becomes only mere centimeters and I can almost smell the vanilla scent on his skin. But suddenly my stomach flips, an uneasy feeling fills me with an ache. I feel like in going to throw up. My eyes blink rapidly.
I pull away from Phil. The moment phil opened his eyes and looked up to see me having pulled myself away from him, it felt like hours.
"I'm sorry, I just thought..." phil said, looking away. My heart sank, I felt sorry.
"No, no you thought right. I just - it's just... germs. I can't. I'm sorry." He looked reassured by my reasoning, but still a bit disappointed.
"Phil, I really like you." I say, trying to cheer him up, but it's the truth. And he should know.
"I really like you, too, dan" Phil smiled back at me.
This is the perfect day. And I still can't believe it's phil. I'm just in awe.
Phils face still shows a hit of disappointment, and honestly, I'm disappointed too. But I couldn't bring myself to kiss him. I just couldn't.
In silence, I move my hand slowly over to phils, and hold his. It's a quiet moment, and it's less then what we want. But it's all I can do.
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Howdy everyone, how are you?
Love you! Bye!
~ Madi
YOU ARE READING
Still Water
FanfictionDan and Phil were best friends as children, but at a very young age Phil drowned in a pond, and lost his life. Dan grew up traumatized by the loss of his best friend. little did he know that he might be able to see him again, just not in this world.
