Still Water

Chapter 4

I was forced awake by a chirpy sound coming from my phone, and sound only set to go off once a year. This sound was easily recognizable, and instantly fills me with deep sadness.

Forcing my eyes to stay shut, not wanting to be faced with the reality of today.

"Today is the day, years ago, I let Phil die" I admit to myself in a hushed whisper.

My mother knows the date as well as I do, she's never forget it for as long as she lives. She loved Phil like a son, and shed remember the day I died if it would've been me instead.

In fact, in such a small town, almost everyone remembers the day he died. Everyone seemed to know and love Phil. Who wouldn't?

His funeral was filled with many tears of people who I never knew that he knew.
Phil was like an angel.

My stomach twists thinking about him in the past tense. I wish I could relive that day, and fix it all.

Today, however, the constant pain is numbed under all the pills I take. I pull on a jacket, for its early in the morning and start my walk without eating any breakfast.

I walk my usual 674 steps around the corner to the Lester's house. It's become a tradition for me to visit them on the mornings of this day.

"Hello Mrs. Lester. You look lovely today." I greet politely as she opened the door, expecting me. I walk in, past her and head to the kitchen table taking my usual seat.

"Hello Dan honey. Thank you." She responds and i nod in acknowledgment of her thanks. She sits down two chairs away from me, like usual, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Did I lock the doors? Did my mom leave before or after me? Did she lock the doors? Have we been cooking? Is the oven on?

Anxious thought clouded my head as me and Mrs. Lester held a conversation. I tried to push the thoughts away, but they were tugging at me. I realized I got lost in thought earlier and forgot to take my pills for OCD.

I make a mental note to go back home to take them.

After an hour or so Mrs. lester offers me pie, which is when I know our time is almost done. Mrs. Lester is very busy, but hates kicking people out, she often uses dessert to make the other person feel like their hang out is coming to an end, so they excuse themselves, and leave.

Mrs. Lester has to get to work, and I know that, so when she offers me pie I respond.

"No thanks, I have to head out anyways, thank you, though. Have a nice day."

I grab my back pack and take the 674 steps back to my house to grab my medication. I check the locks 8 times before I head down to the pond where Phil died. His mom likes to visit his grave often, but I tend to visit the pond, because it's where I feel closest to him.

"Hey Phil, it's been another year. What it like in heaven? Are there loads of cat for you to play with? As an angel are you still allergic to cats? I guess i wouldn't know. I... Uh, I hope you've forgiven me for ending you life so early. You never got to be a prince. I haven't forgiven myself, though. Sometimes I want to die so I can be with you again. I miss you. No one else is a good friend like you were. Im sorry."

I say to no one...