The Diary of a depressed nation

October 17

Dear Diary,

So I am the most graceful person ever[see above]. You know what I did? Last night I fucking fell off the roof and into the bushes that border the house. Fucking fuck. So yea, that happened.

Then I went and talked to Canada about stuff and things. We spoke in our old Native American tongue so people couldn't eavesdrop. I got the weirdest look from Russia when he walked in to see what I was doing. It was priceless.

Aw but then he tried to follow along and try out a few words and it was soo cute.

But back to the main plot: me.

I asked Russia about flying last night sometime before I fell off the roof, and he said that there's a small airstrip near his house, and that I could probably borrow one of the planes from the people who own them, but I may have to offer something in return. I'm so excited I can't even stand it. We're going out later tonight after he gets done with his meetings. So in the meantime, I've ben talking with my boss and stuff to keep updated.

He says that Trump's going down faster than the Titanic, the shooters of one of the Olympics people's daughter are being charged, we are getting closer to retaking lands from ISIS, and North Korea is being an ass again and threatening us with Nuclear war and stuff. I really don't want to kill all of humanity because of Korea. Seriously, guys, calm down.

Anyway so right now I'm making basic rocket fuel out of powdered sugar, potassium nitrate, and kitty litter*. So I'll be going now, Bye!

-America the hero

*So there's a video for this on youtube but I'm not telling you where, or anything more than ive already told you. figure it out yourself. and yes, before you ask, it really does work, and you can and will burn your hand off if you aren't careful.

anyways, later!