different | halsanie ✔

~13~

!!giant trigger warning!!

mel's POV

i was trying to end my life several times this month. three to be exact. all of them i ended up in a hospital. i'm surprised my parents haven't decided to send me to a.. you know..

but i wanted to do it again. ashley was all i've ever dreamed of. everything i care for. she was my life.

but i now she's dead. it's been over a month. i gave up. she's not coming back.

i remember all the good times i had with her. even the bad ones made me happier. i just wanted to see her one more time.

i didn't even say a proper goodbye. i didn't even kiss her. i didn't even.. thank her. for being here in this world.

i think it was time to end all my pain. passing my pain to other people is bad, but when they have hurt me so much and when i don't want to feel it, is it ok? i don't even care, tbh.

i wanted to talk to someone before. i wanted to say goodbye to someone. noone came in my mind.

my dad was away for 2 months, so i just went downstairs to my mother.

"hi, mom!" i didn't want to sound sad, so she doesn't get worried.

"hey sweetie! is something wrong?"

"n-no! i just wanted to.. uh.. now how you're doing!" i felt my face turn red.

"ah.. well.. i'm doing great! just finished the eleventh chapter of my book. what about you, mel?"

"uhm.. i just.. finished my homework! i was just about to go to the store!"

"oh, okay. i'll just leave you to it, then! bye sweetheart!"

"b-bye!"

i went to the pharmacy and brought many pills. just the ones that i knew can kill me.

after i just walked around the city a bit and went home.

"i'm home!" i shouted, "i love you, mom."

"i love you too, swetie!"

"i'm just.. gonna go upstairs, ok?"

"sure. i'll call you when dinner's ready!"

i.. honestly love my mom. if i could just save her from the pain that she is about to feel.. but i can't. sadly.

before i wanted to leave a message:

dear mom and dad,
i truly love you both, but since ashley died i just can't take it. she was very special to me and it's hard without her. i.. sadly decided to end my life. i have had depression for a long time. but ashley going missing didn't help at all. please, please don't blame yourselves. suicide is never the answer, but i'm afraid this time it was. i am very sorry. it had to be done
               -melanie adele martinez

i left the note on my desk.

i started crying. a lot. but silently, so mom can't hear. there was one thing i wanted to do before i leave.

crybbxo logged in

crybbxo- i am glad that we met, ashley frangipane. thank you.

crybbxo logged out

i was hard core crying now. i had to do it while it wasn't too late. i took them and everything went black.

"thank you for being diffrent, ash" was my last thought.

the end.