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How beautiful it was. The view in front of my eyes - dazzling, sparkling bright, a wave of happiness galore, joy, zeal! The night sky had never dressed up better than this, streets lighted up, windows dazzling with fan fancy lights, the sweet smell of Indian deserts in the air. It was all dressed up like an elegant bride, a feast to the eyes. Prepossessing. I could embrace it's glory all day.
Yes it was Diwali.
Diwali- I festival I used to wait all year long as a child. It was my favorite. Like what is their in this festival you can not love? Lights, delicious food, decoration, fire crackers, family, gifts, celebration, rituals, new clothes, Rangoli, late night get togethers, tash party, the list is nearly endless. I remember how all of us would start cleaning up our house, like each and every corner, and everyone wild participate! Doing all the things together as a team. Everything new! From clothes to shoes to home decor to cushions to covers. You just had to name it. Plus those mouthwatering delicacies made by mom's and aunts at home. It was hard to keep my hands off them. I used to love every single bit of it. Each and every. How I used to go jumping around the house when it would be the Diwali week. Buying fire crackers, and then bursting them. Clicking thousands of pictures. Then there was bhai duj the day after, where I used to get money and gifts from my brothers just for doing them Tilak. How used to love it all, and now all that are-are distant memories, which keep fading day by day, as each Diwali passes by, and all I do I sit all alone by myself cherishing those moments and holding on to them, as I see everyone around me celebrate and enjoy to their heart's content. I'm not even excited anymore. That child inside me had died. It had been buried somewhere deep, and there was no one to rescue it. The little Natasha Kedia was not there anymore. I wasn't the same anymore. The Natasha Kedia I knew was now dead.
Some child came up to me, dressed up in Indian attire and started pulling me to burst crackers along with him, he forced me a lot, but I refused. I didn't want to relieve all those moments yet again. It had been 5 years since I had burst my last cracker with my cousins, at my terrace. I didn't want to do it again, I didn't want to relieve the pain, the misery that would build up in my heart. That stubborn little child wouldn't stop, so I finally yelled at him "No!" and he went away with a disappointed face.
Look what you've done to yourself Natasha!? You're such a Bitch. You yelled at a small innocent child, and all he wanted was to burst crackers with you?! You made that little boy sad on Diwali!? The festival of happiness and lights!
They all were so right about me. I'm such a shame! A shame to my family, a shame to humanity maybe. My grandmother was so right about me. I'm such a monster. I've disappointed her, and get family name. So what if I didn't want to do a regular 9-5 job and marry the guy she wanted me to and settle? So what if I wanted to be a model and a dancer? Don't you know? All those who want to be models and dancers are characterless and immoral!? Don't you know what the society thinks about these women? Don't you know!? Don't you?!
A tear slipped down my eye as those scenes cane flashing back in front of me.
It was five years ago. I had applied for the Vogue talent hunt and fortunately got selected. It was all set. They would train me and I could possibly be what I'd dreamt of as a child. I was so happy that day and couldn't believe that they'd take me in. I remember jumping in my bed in receiving their letter. My dream was finally coming true. I had decided to give this news to my whole family at the same time, so I'd called everyone in the living room and announced it happily to everyone, but the reaction I got was completely adverse. The only ones happy about it were my parents. Aaj the others stared me as if I was from another planet, eyeing me up and down in the most condensing manner. Oh how can I forget that look on my grandmother's face! She said me stuff one never even says to one's foe, cursing me, blaming my parents and insulting me in every possible way. No doubt she hated me, and now with me deciding to take up modelling, she has no limits. That was the last day of me as the part of her family. I was literally thrown out by her, and besides all those pleads from my parents and cousins, I was thrown out like trash. Like what were my parents and cousins pleading for? Fit their daughter had decided to take up a career that old lady thought was shameful!! Cause she was chasing her dreams?!
