To Make You Smile

When You Walked Away (Pt.3)

~*~ When You Walked Away (Pt.3)

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I barely made it through the door to the practice room before Yongguk was upon me. I knew he was a pacifist but the look on his face made me doubt my own knowledge. I'd never fully grasped the phrase, "If looks could kill" until that moment when Yongguk locked his eyes with my own.

"Zelo-ah! Would you like to tell me why Becky appeared outside my apartment in tears last night? The only thing she would tell me was that she left. That was all she could get out before she dissolved into tears in Chelsea's arms!" Yongguk wasn't yelling, he never yelled, but this was so much worse than if he had. His voice was one hundred percent calm and that's what scared me so much more.

I looked around and was relieved that none of the other hyungs were around to hear. "I'm so sorry, Hyung. I don't know what I did wrong." Tears started to form in my eyes and I had to look down so that he wouldn't see them.

"What do you mean you don't know? There's no way she could be crying like that and you not know why!" Yongguk looked at me with disappointment in his eyes and that was like a second knife slicing through what was left of my heart.

"She told me she saw me with one of the girls from the signing yesterday." I told him. I recounted the conversation we had before Becky left and when I was finished, Yongguk just shook his head. "Hyung, what did I do?"

"Can't you see, Junhong?" Yongguk asked, using my real name so I knew this was serious. "She's hurt. You promised her you wouldn't let the fans and you get so close and that girl had her hand on your shoulder. Junhong, she's jealous. Jealous and hurt."

I thought over what we said again, trying to hear the conversation through Becky's perspective. When I did, my tears slipped free and rolled down my cheeks. "Omo. Hyung, what can I do? She hates me!"

My heart felt like it was being pulled from my chest and tossed in a fire, an emptiness taking it's place. I felt hollow. Hollow and pained at what I'd done to my Becky. My Jagiya.

"You have to tell her. That will be hard though because she's not likely to listen to you so easily. You hurt her deeply Junhong and I don't know if she'll listen to you or even believe what you have to say."

Yongguk looked at me sadly as I tried to brush away the tears that kept falling. I don't know what I would do if Becky didn't listen to me explain. I couldn't even imagine my life without her, it was too dark a place.

The other members started to arrive and Yongguk placed his hand on my arm, jarring me from my thoughts. "She'll be going by your place soon," Yongguk said. "See if you can talk to her."

"But what about practice?" I asked, already inching my way to the door.

"If anyone asks, I'll say you are sick."

I smiled at my hyung and thanked him before I ran out of the doors, down the stairs and out of the lobby. Jongup tried to stop me when I passed him and the other members but I didn't stop to acknowledge him, I only kept running, anxious to get to Becky.

♐Ⓑⓔⓒⓚⓨ♐

All of the windows were closed, keeping the cold feeling of heartbreak and despair trapped inside. I was barely inside for two minutes before my hands started shaking and I wasn't able to contain it any longer.

A few tears slipped down my face and I rushed over to the balcony to open the doors and let in the sunshine. It was cold outside but it was so much better than the feeling that lingered around the empty space.

I stood on the balcony for a few moments, breathing in the outside air. I had my eyes shut and my face raised to the sky as I tried to fill my lungs with as much of the cool air as possible. When I opened my eyes, I looked down and my eyes instantly zeroed in on the place where he sat yesterday.

The table was gone now. The fans were gone now. Most importantly, she was gone now. I didn't know where she was now and I didn't want to know. I wanted to forget she ever existed but I knew I would never be able to. The sight of her hand on his shoulder haunted me. The look on his face when I mentioned her plagued my memories. Everything about it was captured in perfect quality in my mind.

"I didn't hear you come in..."

I turned sharply on my heel and saw him standing in the hallway that lead to our bedroom. He was silhouetted against the light, obscuring his face from me.

"You're supposed to be at the studio," I choked out, feeling the cold tears slip from my eyes. I raised my hand to wipe them and when I did, Zelo stepped forward so I could see him.

"Uljima, Becky-ah. Uljima..." Zelo said, his voice cracking as he pleaded with me not to cry. I couldn't stop the tears as they rolled down my face more. "Jagiya, let me explain everything."

I bit my lip as he came cautiously closer to me. He took me not backing away from as a sign to continue so he very gently took my hands and led me over to our love seat. I sat down as far from him as I could on the small piece of furniture but he kept a hold of my hands.

"I am so sorry for how I acted yesterday. I didn't understand why you were so upset but I do now. I understand and I'm so sorry, Jagiya. I should have known and I caused you so much pain." Zelo squeezed my hand gently and I hated hearing his voice quiver as he spoke.

I looked into his eyes and felt my heart breaking all over again at the tear tracks down his pale cheeks. His eyes were rimmed in red and I realized just how much me leaving yesterday effected him.

"I should never have let that fan so close to me. I wasn't looking at her like you thought I was. When she touched me, I automatically took a step away from her and told her I had the most perfect, wonderful girlfriend in the world. I forgot about her the second she walked away from me because she wasn't important enough to leave a mark in my memory. But, when you walked away, that will be forever ingrained into my memory. I will never forget that look of utter hurt and betrayal. That look that I put on your beautiful face. It is all my fault and I can't say sorry enough." My breath caught in my throat at his words but he wasn't done yet.

"Jebal, neoneun nae saesangiya. Neoman wonhae. Neo saranghae. Neo eobsin naega juegneunda." {Please, you're my world. I only want you. I love you so much. I would die without you.}"Can you ever forgive me, Becky-ah?" Can you love me again?" His eyes were glittering with tears and I felt like I couldn't breathe. Each word was like a knife, slicing through the cold ice walls that surrounded my heart. Each word bringing me one piece closer to myself.

I took in a deep, shuddering breath and looked at our hands, clasped together between us. "I'm sorry for how I acted yesterday. I never let you explain and I should have. I took things too far and it hurt us both. I'm sorry for your tears. For your hurt." I placed my hand on his cheek and used my thumb to brush his tears away.

"Becky-ah, you have nothing to-" I gently touched my finger to his lips to quiet him.

"It wasn't your fault, it was mine and I'm sorry. Neon nal seollegae hae. Neon naekkeoya. Nan nikkeoya." {You make my heart flutter. You're mine. I'm yours.}

We intertwined our fingers and sat like that for a while, I scooted closer to him and laid my head on his shoulder. He put his arm around me and we were comfortable in each other's presence. There was nothing more perfect than this moment as he pressed a soft kiss to my temple.

I figured I'd better tell Chelsea that I definitely wouldn't be needing her couch tonight so I stood up to get my phone. "Where are you going? Kajima." Zelo's face was one of pure sadness as I separated my hand from his.

"Never again," I promised, placing a soft kiss on his lips.

"Sarangheyo, Jagiya." He whispered to me, his breath fanning lightly across my lips.

"Sarangheyo."

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I'm sorry I just kind of left you guys hanging for like a long time... I have had this typed up for forever but I got so many more hours at work and I've been busy. But... excuses suck so just cry out your feels and eat some yogurt! It'll be alright. I love you.