Everything I Didn't Say (Lashton)

Chapter 14

Ashton's P.O.V (warning, this is going to be triggering somewhere in the chapter.)

Its 5 in the afternoon and I'm still laying in my bed, just staring at the ceiling blankly. I have not moved from here at all, I haven't ate anything all day, but I really don't feel like getting up. Michael has tried to get me out of bed, but I refused, so he just gave me some food in my room but I didn't eat at all.

I don't deserve anything good to me, I've hurt so many people, I've screwed everything up, I'm especially a big screw up on messing up with friendships. I ruined Luke and mine friendship before and I've done it again, I've ruined my friendship with Calum, what's next? I'm going too lose Michael and Emily?

'God' I sighed running my hands over my face, I'm already hurting Emily without her knowing. I'm such a horrible person, might as well go and disappear.

"Ash, I'm gonna go too the store to buy some food and other things, do you wanna join?" Michael asked me.

"No thanks," I said, voice cracking.

"Alright" He sighed, "but you have to get up soon, when I come back you are helping me make dinner."

I nodded, not really paying attention.

Soon he left, leaving me all alone. Everything was queit, there was no noise at all, except for the voices inmy head that kept telling me negative shit.

They kept telling me 'I'm a screw up, no one loves me, everyone is going to leave soon.'

I cried softly, Luke is leaving tomorrow, I will never see him again, he hates me. I wish I can fix what I messed up with Calum and Luke.

I got up from my bed, thinking 'might as well just ends things right? I mean no one loves me, everyone is going too leave me soon.'

I went to the garage, turned on the gas that's in the garage. I went inside my car, locked the doors and just sat silently crying.

'I hate myself' I kept repeating, here I go, always making things about me, like Calum said.

Everything started to get blurry, I kept shaking my head, trying to stay focus for a bit, but I kept losing focus. My eyes were slowly closing, but I did hear someone shout, "what the hell!" It sounded like Calum. Well whoever it was, they broke my window, unlocked the car and pulled me out.

I groaned starting to get a headache and feeling dizzy. Before we entered back into the house, Calum turned off the gas and opened the garage door so that the smell of gas can go into the air outside.

After that, we went inside Michael's house and Calum laid me down on the couch. I still had my eyes closed, trying to wake up. Suddenly I felt cold water hit my face.

"Fuck!" I screamed, shooting straight up, wiping my face that was dripping from the water.

After it was somewhat dry, I slowly opened my eyes. It was blurry at first, but then everything came clear, when everything was perfectly clear, I saw Calum standing in front of me looking, worried?

"Ashton, oh my God, what the hell?! Are you ok?!, Why the hell did you do that?!" He kept asking me these questions.

"Like you care" I whispered, frowning and looking down.

"Ashton, listen I know that we don't have the best relationship, but I don't want you hurting yourself or this." He said, referring to what happened a few minutes ago.

That's when I broke down crying.

"That's the thing Calum. I always- I always... I always screw everything up! I mean I hurt you, I hurt Luke twice, I'm also already hurting Emily and she doesn't even know. I've lost almost everyone, I can't loose Michael. I wish I can take back everything that I hurt you, Luke and Emily. I'm so sorry Calum." I sobbed.

Suddenly I felt Calum wrap his arms around me, pulling me too his chest.

"Hey Ash, its ok, I forgive you. I'm so sorry for what I said yesterday, if I didn't say anything you wouldn't have thought of doing this." He frowned.

"Calum, what I did isn't your fault, it was mine. But I won't do it again." I told him senserly.

"Promise?" He asked.

"I promise" I nodded.

"Good... So do you really like Luke uh?"

"Yea, it doesn't matter, he won't forgive me this time. Its too late."

"Its never too late. His flight doesn't leave till tomorrow afternoon. Just go and try and find us. Hopefully we will still be there. Now what are you going to do about Emily?" He asked.

"I'll figure something out, what about you and Michael?"

"That's why I came here. I need to apologize to him but he's not here."

"He should be back soon, he left to the store to buy food and other things." I told him.

"Alright, well I guess I'll stay here."

"Calum, promise me you won't tell Michael or Luke about this?"

'Man I keep alot of secrets to everyone.' I frowned at the thought.

"I don't know Ash, this is serious, Michael and Luke have the right to know, even if Luke is mad at you he still cares and wouldn't want you to ever do or think like this. But I won't say anything, I think you should, but do it when you are ready." He told me.

"Thank you." I smiled at him.

"No problem, we just gotta figure out what to tell Michael how we are ok now."

We couldn't even think because not even a minute, Michael walked in.

"Calum? What are you doing here?" He asked, surprised to see Calum, but you could tell he was a little happy.

"I came to talk to you. I know I screwed up and I'm so sorry, Mikey I love you."

Micheal and I widen our eyes in shock, did not see that coming.

"You what?" Michael choked.

"I love you Mikey, please forgive me." Calum pouted.

Michael thoughg for a moment, actually more like a second before he shook his head many times and jumping onto Calum's lap and kissing him.

"Gross" I said, scrunching my face in a disgusted look, covering my eyes.

Michael glared at me. "Whatever... Wait a minute, you guys were here alone? And no one is dead or my house is perfectly fine... Are you guys ok or something?" Michael said looking at us weird.

"We are ok now, we forgave eachother and we are cool now." Calum said, smiling at me.

"That's amazing but babe, I'm over here." Michael told him, you can practically hear the jealousy in his voice.

All of us laughed, then Michael stopped and said, "I'm serious."

After that, we made dinner, sat and ate it while watching T.V.

I texted Emily, telling her that I need to talk to her tomorrow.

I hope I can make things right and see Luke before be leaves.