Remembrance

How I Am

          My skin complexion was in bad state. One, because my bed time was moved to nearly after midnight because of school works for the last two weeks of the semester. Two, because of how much I ate. Three, I was depressed because of many group activities.

          I remembered Wattpad as my refuge. It has been few months since I checked my account. I did not expect to have an unread message. It was from LimitedMeEdition. It cheered me up to know there is among my Wattpad friends who wants to communicate with me. 

          Back when I was in high school, my former classmates wanted to be with me... in group activities mostly. I tried to be different in college. Little by little, I did not do my best in studies. I thought I became better in social life, which is true at first. Maybe it's because when they say "We're all in this together!" or "You're not alone! No one can get high grades like those nerds!" that I felt like I finally became a part of the class and I was able to understand their experience. The difference between us is that they really want to get high scores while I don't want it. You can say I'm scared of being the cream of the crop again.

           I gotta admit what they did that made me mad at them was making fun of nerds and they even labelled others nerds when they are not. Nerd is a word never meant to be laughed at! It's a character that makes some people unique. Unfortunately, their bad behavior is contagious. I sneered at the wise people when I'm surrounded by gossipers in order to save--hmm, not myself, however... it was my hope of being with many peoples that was saved when now I know I'm better standing on my own than pretending to be a cripple in order to be carried along with them. To think that my 'friends' are them, creepy. I should've admit this to them personally. Maybe, they would refrain from bullying.

          As my block mates saw my drastic change in academic performance, they stopped paying attention to me, just like how I did to several home works and exams. My previous group which consisted of my friends who I used to stick with replaced me and other one who just did as told with another classmates. One is my really close friend and the other one is whom I had a crush on.

          I never felt very conscious to what others might think about me before, unlike now. Although a fool for forming myself to social norms, I never regretted to be a damsel in distress for the last week of the semester. You see, from Monday to Wednesday are deadlines of all group activities and you know that I don't do other things besides cramming (and reading mangas, manhwa and webtoons). I was not doing well, obviously. My new group mates lost trust in me and that made me laugh or amused because that was rare of them to do it around me and at the same time, wanted to drown myself in tears but that was impossible. I cried awful lot while reading "My Friendly Winter".

          Okay, back to why I never regretted to be that. I was saved right after Wednesday by the exams wherein you don't have to worry about others since there is no teamwork needed. The knight that saved me from all is the semester break, also known as SEMBREAK. Well, that's a joke. Deep down we know that who can really save us is ourselves. :) I plan to tame my curiosity, which is the cause of my 'way too lazy' being.

          Well, a simple message like, "Hi! Are you still there?", opened my eyes that there are other people who still think of me. That's how I gathered myself up to stay sociable. If the disappointing event repeats, I won't stop because there are strangers and things unexplored. I just realized that this sembreak when I read that message from LimitedMeEdition.

          I was not sure who it was, mind you. The profile picture seemed new to me. So I scroll down to our previous conversation to remind me who it is. I use 'it' because I was not sure of the gender. Upon reading the older messages, I realized she is the one I mostly talked about profile pictures. God, I miss her! You can be friends with her! But you can't take my place away from her heart. Nuh-uh. Haha Because of you, K, I published something here! Let me end this with what y'all deserve.

Thanks and loves and hugs,

GoodConnie :"}