GELID | ✓

five

dna | lia marie johnson

. . . 

I swam in and out of consciousness. Opening my eyes was too much for me handle, but I knew I had to wake up. I heard various whispers and arguments taking place where I was, but I was too weak to stop them.

My mind was awake. The Raids were to take place soon and I'd be even more of a liability, remaining in bed. My body was rock hard. I was floating.

I blanked out.

My mind was awake. The Raids were to take place soon and I'd be even more of a liability, remaining in bed. My body was rock hard. I was floating.

I blanked out.

My mind was awake. The Raids were to take place soon and I'd be even more of a liability, remaining in bed. My body was rock hard. I was floating.

My nose twitched, the irritating smell of Wselfwulf infiltrating my senses. It took great effort, but I managed to twist my neck and fix the kink that was bothering me. After moving my neck, I tried opening my eyes. Prying each eyelid open was harder than transitioning into a wolf the first time and I groaned in pain. I hadn't even fully regain consciousness when I heard a loud shriek and something heavy wrapped itself around my body.

"Cana!" Droplets trickled down my exposed skin. "Cana, oh my gods, Cana!" I wrapped an arm around the small body. Moving was easier now, and I adjusted myself to accommodate Clelia. I was now sitting in the bed. One sweep across the room and I noted I was in Wolfric's hut.

"Cana, I thought you had left me, too. Oh my gods!" Clelia's small body shook with sobs. She gripped my shoulders, crying uncontrollably. My heart ached in pain for her and I gripped her with as strong of an agency as she hugged me.

"Please don't leave me."

My heart broke. "Of course not, little one." I held her longer, not pulling away.

I felt Wselfwulf enter the room I was in and I unintentionally straightened. I didn't need him to see me in this moment of vulnerability.

"I would like a word," he spoke, gesturing for Clelia to leave us.

"Whatever you need to say, you can say in front of her."

"Fine," Wselfwulf narrowed his eyes. "We are Warriors; tears are not acceptable behavior of a pup in training."

"Have some compassion," I spat, my voice coming out as controlled rage. "She is only a pup!"

"She is part of the Tribe, no?" At my silence, Wselfwulf continued, "therefore, she should know what is expected of her."

"Stop arguing with Cana." The words were muffled into my neck, but were loud and clear to the trained ears of Wselfwulf and myself. "She just woke up."

I interjected before Wselfwulf could say anything snide, "Clelia, pup, please step outside for a moment so I can have a word with Wselfwulf."

When she left the room, I glanced at Wselfwulf and asked, "what happened? How long was I out?"

"Almost one moon cycle," Wselfwulf's facial muscles were impassive, but his voice almost held a gleeful tone. "You're too weak to participate in the Raids; thus, I will be able to choose my own companion."

"You planned this!" I narrowed my eyes. "Funny how something extremely strange happens to me when the Raids are days away and we're forced to partner up!" I struggled to stand up, my vision swimming in front of me.

I was a Warrior. I'd never let my pride fall before a wolf such as Wselfwulf.

"How dare you blame me for your incompetence?" Wselfwulf growled in anger.

"This is the first time this has happened to me!" I shrilly yelled, vision still swimming. "I am a Warrior who held my own up against you in a fight. Don't disrespect me!"

"You're pathetic," Wselfwulf sneered in disdain.

I don't know what compelled me to ask him. Maybe it was the sudden pounding headache that manifested, or my vision swimming. It was perhaps even the throbbing pang in my heart that caused me to throw caution into the wind and ask him.

"Why do you hate me so much?"

Wselfwulf regarded me in a stunned manner. I wobbled my way to where he was standing, my jaw clenched in pain, my eyes screwed shut to keep the tears of agony in.

"Please, I know it's none of my business what you think of me," I gasped out. "But why, why do you hate me so much that you simply look at me with utter contempt?"

"You're spewing nonsense," Wselfwulf finally hissed out but that wasn't enough. I opened my eyes and gazed at him from under wet lashes.

"Just tell me and I'll leave you alone. You can partner up with whoever you choose for the Raids. I don't care, I never did."

"You're a disappointment of a Warrior," Wselfwulf slowly began, his voice gelid and biting. "You had one job of covering two wolves and you failed to do that. You are the reason they died. You caused unnecessary deaths of our most valuable Warriors."

I unblinkingly eyed his massive form. I knew what he would say would crush me, but I needed to hear it.

"You caused the death of my Godfather. I will never forgive you for that," Wselfwulf slowly walked towards me, his words skewering within my being.

I clenched my jaw tight. My breathing was haphazard. My blood was thundering. The pain in my heart was unbearable.

"You're the one my father favors as a student. You're the one who has the potential to surpass me as a Warrior and I am too prideful to let that happen. You're nothing special as a Wolf, nevertheless, a she-wolf. You're not beautiful, you're not fit for childbearing, you cannot maintain a home."

Wselfwulf gave me a cold glare.

"If you failed as a Warrior, one would expect you to at least excel in other fields."

I felt tears slowing paving a path down my cheeks, but I didn't mind them. For twenty summers, I thought Wselfwulf childishly hated me for hindering his victory after our first fight. Turns out his hatred ran even deeper than I thought.

The pain in my heart caused my to drop to my knees before Wselfwulf. I clenched my eyes shut once more and grasped for air. I grabbed my heart, holding in a scream. I felt myself crying, sobbing with all my might. I recall Wselfwulf dropping to his knees to grip my shoulders.

I felt myself slowly dying as a person.

"Your Wolf is forcing you to shift! Do not fight it!"

"Cana!" I heard Clelia scream and I mentally scolded her for eavesdropping in on my conversation with Wselfwulf.

I gave up control of my body to my wolf, and felt myself pass out because of the suffering my body was going through.

I woke up in my Wolf's body after what seemed like ages, the moonlight shining brightly into the window. I slipped out of Wolfric's cottage and ran to the lake.

Looking at my reflection in the lake, I was horrified to see how aged my Wolf looked. My black fur, which normally held a shiny dark blue tint, looked a dull grey. My hazel eyes drooped from the corners and the proud hunch of my shoulders was missing. I was a Warrior she-wolf in my prime, I shouldn't have been looking so fatigued.

The pain was unbearable and I stretched my body, calling to the gods above, I howled hollowly.

Finding a patch of grass beside a tree, I sat my massive wolf body down, glancing at the moon, my ears flat on my head. Had I shifted into my human form, my tears would've been uncontrollable.