Something Worth Living For [THG] // Finnick Odair

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Danieka's POV

It has been a rough week for me, waking up, remembering things, being told of all the deaths, getting flashbacks and also dealing with the pain.

I'm hurt, I can't deny it. Some people meant nothing to me, I never talked to some of them, but somehow I miss them and I feel sorry for them, none of them deserved the end they had.

But of course the worse to deal with are the deaths of three boys, Kellen, Kade and Ryle. It's unbearable, every time I think about it, I feel like several knives are stabbing me in my heart and then all around my body, I think I'll never be able to move on.

I also feel guilt. There are some deaths that are obviously my fault, like Angelique's, I broke her knee and only one day later she was dead, and Ryle, I still feel like if I should have done something more he wouldn't have been killed by Divya, I shouldn't have left him.

But actually every death is my fault, I mean, if I weren't here, someone else would but they are not, so it's my fault, I may have not killed them with my own hands but they had to die so I could get out of the arena. I'm really sorry for every death.

The nurses see me as if I'm some kind of hero or like if I am a celebrity or something and I can't help but feel disgusted by it, they are only looking at me that way because I won the Games.

I wonder, how will my life be now that I have won? I actually won, me, Danieka Hadley won the Hunger Games against all odds, wow, I'm very surprised. Anyway, I will be famous now, my name will be written down for history and I will have lots of money, I will have my own house and I will live in peace that I'll never be reaped again, but I think, the damaged has been already done. All those nice things won't ever compare to what I went through.

I have nightmares of deaths and mutts, I even see things when I am awake, I can't escape this hell, not awake nor asleep. Last time I saw Finnick being stabbed by Johanna, I screamed and tried to save him but I was injected something to calm me down before I could even get out of the bed to 'help' him.

I woke up fine but five minutes later I remembered it and freaked out, I was told then that I hallucinated it and that Finnick was fine, I didn't believe the nurses so they had to call him so I could make sure he was fine and that they were telling the truth and of course they were and I still didn't believe them until Finnick himself told me he was okay and told me what I saw it wasn't real. I must have looked like a mad person.

Speaking of Finnick, he has made everything harder for me. I mean, why did he even kiss me?

I could have liked him before the Games, I may have, I'm not admitting it or anything, he was special to me and I kind of fell for him but that was before the Games, before everything turned so complicated. And I don't even remember how I felt before the Games, so I'm not sure if I ever actually liked him or not.

Two people that claimed to like me, died in front of me. I never allowed myself to like Kellen even if he was pretty handsome and good-looking, I knew he had to die, maybe I would have liked him in another circumstances.

And Kade, I don't even know that to say about him. He saved my life and was nice to me, also he looks so much like Finnick. I mean, he looked so much like him. I didn't even know he liked me, I think it was better that he told me until the last moment, it would have made everything harder if he had told me during the middle of the Games or at the start just like Kellen did.

Also, it's a bit foggy but I remember and I know I kissed him, I kissed Kellen and I just let him die, what kind of person am I? He did everything he could for me and I did absolutely nothing, I just let him die, I'm such a horrible person.