Where My Demons Hide

Be very afraid

*Gage POV*

Sitting on my couch with a beer in my hand, I replayed the entire days events in my head. For the life of me, I could not wrap my head around what actually happened. Let me correct myself. I know exactly what happened. I just don't know how the fuck it escalated so quickly. I went from chasing her down the street to coming down her throat.

Swigging down the last sip of my now warm beer, I put the empty bottle on the table in front of me. The word asshole played over and over in my mind. Without a doubt, I know I needed to rectify the situation, but I had absolutely zero clue how to actually do it. 

I saw the look on her face when she was done. It was the same look she had on her face the night at the bar. When she woke up from passing out and had the remnants of her nightmare in her eye. How the fuck was I the one that put the look there this time? 

Running my hand through my hair I grabbed my phone from beside me. I unlocked it and pulled up my contacts. Her doctor had given me her phone number but now it felt like a gross misuse of private information to call her. Something had to do be done though because there was no way I could let that look on her face be the last one I saw. 

Without thinking twice, I tapped her name and waited for the phone to ring. 

"I have nothing to say to you," she didn't even greet me with a 'hello'. 

"I get that, I really do. But I need to talk to you," my voice didn't even sound like my own. 

"Go to church if you feel the need to repent for your sins. Don't bring that shit to me," right back to how we started out. I felt like we were starting to make progress but that thought flew out the window with the tone in her voice.

"Meadow, please, this isn't about trying to make up for what happened. But let's be honest here, there were two people in that room. I wasn't the only one in that fucked up situation," I had no idea if direct was the right approach for this moment, but it was too late now. 

"Well thank you captain fucking obvious. I am well aware of my whore status, but thank you so much for that gentle reminder. You're like a fucking bulldozer with your subtlety," she laughed humorlessly.

"In no way, shape or form was I trying to imply that you were a whore, for fucks sake Meadow, I'm not some random asshole," 

"I wish you were, though," it was said so quiet I doubt I was supposed to hear her.

"Please can we meet? Or at least talk on the phone civilly?"

"Well, I'll be damned. You sound as pathetic as a freshly fucked no longer virgin who woke up alone," now she was laughing. At me no less. 

"Then, I guess I'm pathetic. We both fucked up, okay? Let's just address the elephant in the room. I should have tried harder to stop you. Instead of giving in I should have worked to figure out what made you want to do it in the first place." 

"Do it? Are we twelve? Jesus, Gage, it was a blow job. Say it with me now," she paused like she really expected me to say it, "b-l-o-w j-o-b." 

"Insert inappropriate laughter, here. I'm serious Meadow. Stop deflecting," this was getting frustrating.

"Well, excuse me while a swoon. A hot cop with a hero complex who apparently has a minor in psychology," I could almost picture her fanning herself as she said that. For the record, it did not escape my notice that she called me hot, but I would store that tidbit of information for later.

"Yes and I busted my ass to earn that degree in psych so do what I say and stop deflecting and answer me straight."

"Bossy, too? I can feel my panties getting wet Officer."

"What the fuck, Meadow? Enough already!" this woman had the ability to reduce me to a potential anger management patient.

"What's the matter, sir? Can't handle the 'p' word? It's not like I said pus-" 

"Call me when you can behave like a fucking grown up," I hit the hang up button and tossed my phone back on the couch.

Fuck that. I tried. She can't be grown up enough to have a decent conversation, I was done trying. For now at least. I'm not stupid enough to try and convince myself I was throwing in the towel. Clearly, I'm drawn to this chick. And now that I know what she can do with her mou--.

I was pulled from that train of thought when my phone lit up with an incoming text.

"I'm sorry I can't be together enough to have a real conversation.  For what it's worth, I appreciate you calling me to try and fix whatever this is."

Immediately, my phone vibrated again.

"Whatever 'this' is."  

I hit reply even though I wasn't certain how to respond. I'm a grown man, trained officer, supposed exceptional interrogation skills and according to my captain real promise to make homicide before any other officer. When it comes to Meadow, I am completely incapable of adulting. That's not even a real word. See what I mean?

"This can be whatever makes you comfortable. As long as you don't tell me to leave you alone. Because I can't seem to do that."

I sent it before I could second guess myself. If she was going to honest through text, I would be too. The message showed that she was typing and I found myself somewhat nervous at her response. Not because I was afraid of rejection. Hell she'd tried hard enough this whole time to get rid of me. I was nervous to see her be honest. I had no idea what to expect if she wasn't be her snarky, bitchy self.

"I'm done trying to get you to stay away. No matter what you keep popping up. And you've witnessed more of my crazy than any other person in my life." 

Again it buzzed right after she sent the first part. 

"Trust me, the crazy you've seen is just the tip of the ice burg. You'll end up bailing on your own."

I was somewhat offended that she thought I was so weak. In the incredibly short time we had known each other, I had seen her passed out, freaked out, almost bleed out and go slightly porn star on me. Not sure how much more she was hiding but if I wasn't tucking tail and running by now I'm pretty sure I wasn't going to.

I simply replied, "You don't scare me."

It was almost two hours later when my phone indicated a new text. Two simple words. Two simple words that had me questioning everything all over again.

"I should."