Where My Demons Hide

Coffee Shop Chatter

A knock on my door stole my sleep way to early today. Being in my bed for the first time in a week deserved some sort of ceremony that lasted three days and three nights. But of course, with my luck the way it was lately, that wasn't going to happen. 

Shuffling my feet to the door, it occurred to me my pajamas were less than appropriate, but fuck it. Whoever had the indecency to wake me from my slumber deserved to bare witness to my indecency. I opened the door without checking to see who it was and immediately regretted my action. At least if I looked first I could quietly make my way back to my bed and pretend I never heard it. 

"What could you possibly fucking want at this hour?" 

"Meadow, it's going on 11 in the morning," Gage's tone was so chipper I wanted to jump up and smack him.

"Ok well, when you spend countless nights sleeping on a bed that feels worse than cement you can comment. Otherwise, shut it." 

"Six nights," he said under his breath but I still caught what he said.

"You're a special kind of stupid, aren't you? What do you want, Gage?" my patience was paper thin at this point.

"It's our scheduled day," as if that explained everything, "so here I am," he sounded so fucking proud of himself.

"Well fuck me sideways. You took that shit serious?"

"You really have to watch your vulgar mouth. It's really off putting."

"Good fucking thing I'm not trying to fucking impress you, then huh?"

"Right, well, I clearly took it seriously. I agreed to be here for you to your doctor and I intend to keep my word." I'm pretty sure he was offended.

"That's great and all, you fucking boy scout. But I don't plan on participating in these little hallmark moments so feel free to use this time to save some kittens from a burning building or help the elderly across the street."

"You're a bitch, you know that?" He wasn't harsh when he said it, simply stated it as if commenting on the weather.

His comment actually shocked me. Not because what he said wasn't true, but because the words came out of his goody two shoes mouth. I looked up at him to find him glaring down at me as if I just slapped his grandmother across her face.

"What do you think I've been trying to tell you since our unfortunate meeting? I'm glad you finally caught on, though, kudos to you."

"Bitch or not, I made a commitment so you might as well let me in and get this over with," Gage actually looked slightly defeated in this moment. 

"Well, I don't have any coffee or anything so if you're looking for any kind of cheery welcome you're shit out of luck."

"I think I know well enough by now not to expect anything cheery from you," he made his way past me and into my living room. 

Suddenly, I felt incredibly vulnerable. Men didn't come in my house. Actually, no one came in my house. It was the only way to guarantee complete safety. As a rule, any one I had any interactions with happened either at a bar or somewhere just as public. I wasn't a fan of any kind of one on one interaction where I could be hurt in any way. Dr. White was the only exception to that rule.

"Are you coming in or should I make myself at home here?" he was pointing towards the couch. The alarm bells were sounding full blast in my head.

"You know what, Gage, why don't we go to the coffee shop on the corner?" not the first place I would normally choose, but he needed to get out,  "I need some caffeine if I have to deal with your perky ass at this time of day," I headed to my room to get dressed without waiting for him to agree.

We sat in the corner booth in silence, neither one knowing what to say to the other. I had my coffee so I was perfectly content to only sit and drink it. There was nothing I needed or wanted to say to Gage. I could tell it was bothering him though, because he kept sighing and staring at me with his eyebrows raised. What he failed to understand is that my mother had perfected that annoyed look when I was an infant and his was no where near hers.

"Meadow, I don't .." he started and stopped immediately when he saw the look on my face. I couldn't decide if it was because he didn't know what to say or what he was going to say wasn't very nice. Either way, I won because he reverted back to silence.

When my cup was empty, I stood to get another but stopped when I felt his hand on top of mine. I looked down at our hands then up to his eyes with a menacing glare on my face.

"Move it now or lose the ability to use it, Gage." I wasn't kidding. I would use a spoon to mangle his fingers if I had to. Being held down, in any way shape or form was a hard limit for me.  Guaranteed to bring out my nasty side while I fought back a panic attack.

"You don't scare me so you should stop trying. Grab me another cup, too, but get them to go," he left a twenty dollar bill sitting on the top of my hand and went back to shuffling his cup between his hands.

For once, I had nothing to say back to him so I took the money he offered and made my way to the counter. I'm not one to turn my nose up at offered money, especially when I spent the last week out of work. What the hell does he need a to go cup for? Is he planning on taking me somewhere? Maybe for a walk?  More importantly, why the hell do I care? My phone buzzed in my pocket stopping my thoughts and I reached in to see who was bothering me. 

"Yes mother?" I refused to keep the disdain from my voice.

"Meadow, you know better than to speak to me like that. Please stop pretending you were raised by neanderthals." her tone was cutting and I knew she was with at least one of her snotty friends.

"I'm sorry mother, what may I help you with this fine afternoon?" I gagged silently at the words coming from my mouth.

"Much better, darling daughter, thank you. I'm calling to tell you that Jonah has been approved for a weekend visit and I would like you here to make it as normal as possible." she spoke as if they just declared free botox for all AARP card holders. The pure joy coming from her was enough to make me want to vomit my coffee.

"I'm sorry, excuse me? Normal? Mother do you not recall anything that I have told you from the past?" She was off her fucking rocker if she thought I would be there for any of them.

"I do recall you liked to make up stories when you were younger and always felt the need to draw attention to yourself when it was entirely unnecessary. All those pointless therapist visits you insisted on going to. I've never seen someone fake a mental illness to your degree before. Seriously, Meadow, the amount of time and money we wasted on your fabrications is insulting. Now, you have heard my request and I expect you to be there. No arguing."

"Mother, please, I just got back from my time off and I need to get as many hours in as I can," I never knew what my mothers alternative plans were so I had to be very careful in how I spoke now.

"Meadow, I have arranged for you to have more time off given the circumstances. You know, you should thank me for taking time out of my day to call that hole in the wall you call work. Now, Jonah will be arriving Friday evening in time for dinner so I expect to see you by 5 in the evening and not a minute later. Am I understood?" 

"Yes mother," just like that I was a child all over again.

I locked my phone again and shoved it back in my pocket. The feeling of sticky fingers crawling all over my neck made me step out of line. I didn't need coffee right now, I needed to get the fuck out of here. One more place my mother has ruined for me. Without looking back, I pocketed the twenty that was stuck in my sweaty palm and bolted for the door.