Fixed

Chapter Thirty-Five

I shook my head. I snapped out of it. I walked out of the house that had run out of air and started walking down the street.

I couldn't believe what had happened. I couldn't help but feel like I couldn't move my feet. I got to the subway and hopped on a train. Everytime we passed a light and a flicker would illuminate the train, I thought I saw Harry's face. I got off the train, but there was still two stops to my apartment, until I remembered, I had no where. I got off and sat in the cold on a bench. I was near his apartment. I was near him.

I could tell him I was sorry. And that I missed him.

And he would tell me I was drunk and I deserved to be alone.

I would tell him he's right and that I wished better for him.

And he would close the door, and that would be the last that I saw of him.

Him, that's all he seems to be anymore. A person I speak of but never can speak to.

Him, the boy who was starring at me from across the street.

Him who had red eyes and bloody fists who didn't move even though he noticed I saw him. We starred at eachother. Until he came over.

I swallowed and starred at him. He stared back at me.

"Say something." He said.

"I don't have anything to say." I said.

"Please just say something, give me a reason to stay."

"I can't." I said.

"Come on Aspen," his voice was mellow, like he'd been crying."You always had a million reasons for me to leave."

"Why? We both know it doesn't change anything."

"Why are you here?"

"Because.." My lips were dry.

"I haven't given up on you. Please just say something." He said.

We were talking perfectly calmly.

"Its never going to work." I whispered.

"Aspen."

"I'm sorry." I said, a tear falling from my eye.

"You can do it, just say it."

"Say what? That I loved you?" I said.

"Say that you still do."

"I do."

I paused.

"I still love you." I let out.

I waited for him to spit in my face and leave, but he waited.

"Why didn't you say it before?" He asked.

"To hurt you." I admitted.

"You've hurt me and I've hurt you." He said.

"I know." I said, still talking in a low voice.

"I would of done anything for you." He said.

"I know." A tear fell from my eye again.

"I love you Aspen." He said. "That's why I'm doing this." He said, his voice shaking. "Please take care of-" His voice broke."-take care of yourself Aspen. You deserve better."

"Bye harry." I said.

He paused for a while. "Bye." He said before he turned and walked down the road to his apartment.

I started to sob in the middle of the road. I wanted him but he knew what was better for the both of us. I don't know why it took so long for us to do that.

I swallowed down the sadness in my throat and stood up from the bench. Belle lived near by so I went to her house and knocked on the door. I waited.

"Hello?" She said opening the door.

"I'm really sorry." I said.

She bit her lip before opening the door a little wider to help me inside.

I told her everything, and I mean everything. About my past, harry, what happened tonight. And she listened.

I felt my head get lighter as I told the story.

"It's over belle but I want him so badly." I cried. I couldn't believe myself.

She held me. She understood as soon as I told her everything.

"I'm so sorry Aspen." She comforted me.

I fell asleep in her arms.

Then the next week, I went back to school and I stayed at belles.

And the next month I got an apartment.

The next spring I got high honors. And early enrollment to Columbia.

I didn't see Harry the rest of the year. We were done. But I swear, there were moments when I would see his eyes flash but be gone the next second.