Between Friend and Foe

Reason

Have I made a mistake? I shouldn't have raised my hand! What if they are Crazies and the real reason that they want people to go with them is to earn their trust and then eat them? I should just stop worrying, whatever happens, happens, and there is nothing I can do to stop it now. I should live the remains of my life with no regrets, if I die then at least I'll die out of this disgusting bunker. Besides, there isn't much I have to regret anyway. Well other than that one time when I- you know what? Nevermind. Let's not go into the countless things hat I probably should regret but don't just because I believe that it's easier to live with no regrets than to live an entire lifetime regretting every single mistake. And let us just say that in my supposedly short lifetime I have made many mistakes,  one of those mistakes being the mistake of regretting a minor mistake that could have possibly saved millions of people. Yes, I regret not fighting harder to make the Government believe that I, even though I was only 14 at the time, and even if I were a part of the Government I wouldn't believe a young girl telling me that the entire world was just about to die. I proved them wrong, though, so I suppose that is something. 

The little girl, she's the youngest of the trio, came and talked to me earlier. She was surprisingly innocent, she said that she wasn't allowed to look at the bad stuff, no one would let her. I can see why, she's so young, only 7. She doesn't deserve to live in this world. Her name is Anya, she's apparently from a northern country, she can't remember which, though. Her mothers' name is Alkeje, she can't remember her father's. She's lucky that she knows her Mother is alive, most children don't. Faith is so easily lost, and it's truly rare to find a child whose faith is as strong as millions of grown men. But millions of grown men are meaningless unless you put them to use. It's like one single soldier is useless unless they are fighting for what they believe is right, else they are just zombies. Her innocence truly is refreshing.

But when even violence can cause such a silence, what can we do but sit and wait? No one has the ability to stop this. The men and women that used to be able to fight for us, that used to fight for opportunity, they can't protect us from one of the main problems, humans. With everyone becoming sick or insane, the people that we used to depend on so much are unable to help us. And so we have to learn to depend on ourselves and only ourselves. Desperation for survival is no longer just temporary, it is a part of our everyday lives, and the sooner the young realise this, the longer they will survive. I think it is best to allow them to see the horrors of what is out there, not to give them nightmares, but to make them aware of what is out there if the people that care for them die. We should teach them how to defend themselves, build up their muscles so that they can run away if need be, teach them to be silent so that they can steal, teach them to not show fear as a sign of weakness. At least allow them to die with some sort of dignity left in them. Although, in these times, dignity is so often taken for granted, and some are just stripped away as soon as possible. Innocence is useless at the moment, even if it is refreshing.

The younger boy, he looks about 11, refuses to talk to me. I can understand why. He has seen what's out there, he has probably been forced to watch as someone he cares about dies. He thinks of me the way that I originally thought of them, as Crazies. It is now obvious that they aren't, and I would never be able to eat another human, so I suppose we are on the same side. In my mind I have created mental sides, the Crazies are the enemy, and the Humane are the good. The Humane can easily swap sides because of the desperation, but a Crazie is so delusional that there is no way to revert back to a Humane. The reason for this war is the Apocalypse, and that thing will be the end of both sides. So in a way, the Apocalypse is helping us out, preventing us from doing horrible things. Anyway, back to the topic, he doesn't trust me and I can understand why. When you've seen humanity turn on itself, you never know who you can trust, and even the seemingly most trust-worthy can only be trying to gain your trust to kill you.

And on that happy note, I suppose I shall move on to talk about the eldest one. He looks only a few years older than me, around 19 or 20, he has dirty (literally, it's full of dirt!) blonde hair and cerulean blue eyes. His jaw is soft and his cheek bones are high, his nose isn't too small or too big, he is constantly wearing a bright grin on his face, but you can see the tiredness in his eyes. No doubt he has spent countless of nights awake taking care of the others. Did I mention that he has really cute dimples? No? Well, anyway, he does, and they are probably one of the most charming things on his face. Overall he looks like a God, and that makes me weary of him (despite his adorable dimples. Shocking, I know!). He looks like the type of person that would be completely and utterly reckless, and that worries me. There is no room for error at the moment, and if he is the undesignated leader, then we are all done for. 

My hair isn't as dirty as his, by the way. I actually manage to take care of it! It's a really nice dark brown.