Between Friend and Foe

Troubles.

We've been walking for hours now, the sun is just beginning to hide away from the horrors of this world. Do you know how exhausting it is having to hide two children away from every 'bad' thing when everything is terrible? Very, I can tell you that.  Even so, despite my exhaustion, I can't help but want to protect them from everything. I must be going soft, the old me would have never of thought that! But then again, I have noticed subtle (or rather not so) changes in my personality since the End began. It's quite troublesome really. I used to be protected by my cold, harsh personality, but now that I've begun acting in this way, I feel vulnerable to emotions that I didn't believe in. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. In fact, I hate this so much that I can say with the utmost positivity that I want it to leave, I want the old, protected me back. Getting too close to people will only hurt me, I thought I knew this! I should know this! Whatever has changed me, whatever thought drove me to this danger zone, I wish it had never existed. 

Anya and Antonio are walking in front of us, us being Earl and I. Apparently they usually walk until they can find a building, a tree or a hole to hide in. The sky's black, it's going to rain. Well, it's more black. Ever since the End began the sky hasn't been blue, or even a bright colour for that matter. Everything seems to be in monochrome, not that it matters. I just wish that my last days would have been spent with colour, maybe even joy! I suppose that it isn't possible. The world cannot get better, either it will destroy itself with us, or it will continue to be sick until we all die out. Anyway, there isn't anything in sight and I'm exhausted. I have come to accept the fact that I made a huge mistake in deciding to go with them, but at least I have more freedom. Actually, never mind. I don't have freedom. I don't because I am now tied down by other people. Didn't I once promise myself years ago that that would not happen? I suppose promises are made to be broken, it's how the world works. Lies and deception.

Earl keeps trying to talk to me. It's getting really annoying. Can't he see that I just want to be left alone? Honestly, I don't know how much longer I can deal with this nonsense. "Heather," He whines like a child! He's the oldest here and yet he acts the most childish! It's ridiculous. I really want to punch him or something. A short yelp of pain from in front of us causes his whining to stop as he runs forward and scoops up Anya. Tears stream from her bright green eyes, her little hand rubbing at her face to try and wipe them away. I walk forward as well, taking her from Earl's arms, him trying desperately to figure out what was wrong. I roll my eyes and his obliviousness, it's obvious that her knee is scraped. I lift up her trouser leg and press a little kiss on the wound. "There, better?" Anya nods joyfully, all traces of tears gone from her face. It didn't really hurt her, she was just in shock. I ruffle her hair gently and allow her to walk alongside Antonio. "How did you know it was her knee?" Earl queries, childish curiosity gleaming in his eyes. "It was obvious."

I can't get too close to the hearth, if I do then I shall surely be burnt by the flames that can flicker up my palms, that can eat up my skin, I have no water to heal the wound, no bandages to bind the injury that was self-inflicted, no plasters to cover the cuts and no people to kiss it better. It is a bird, but in its cage,  it must stay to be safe from the prowling cat with claws as sharp as knives and teeth as strong as titanium, the bird would be caught and only feathers would remain. The feathers are soft, they are the only defence for the bird out of its cage, but they are fragile. They are not walls, they are not bars, they are feathers, soft and floaty. The wings of the bird are not grown properly, a recent encounter with a wall had made them bent and ruined. Once the bird is out of its cage it can not fly away from the danger. It must fight against it but the bird is a chick, and the chick has always depended on its cage for protection, and if it is free then it shall be hurt. The water appears to be still, calm and serene. But as soon as the bird jumps there for safety, a tidal wave, bigger than anything its small beady eyes had ever seen, engulfs it. It's tiny lungs struggle to get oxygen, it flails about but with its wings soaked, it can not get to the surface. The monster in the fire is frightening, one step too close and it will eat it, and it shall grow larger and pick at the remains. The bird is courageous, and so it steps forward, the red and amber flames shining before its eyes, it is so big compared to the small stature of the bird. 

The bird is frightened of the dangers, and so in its cage, it stays, where it is lonely, but protected. The cats' claws can not reach through the steel bars, the fire can not move to engulf it, and the water is too far away for the bird to fall and drown. The cage is its defender, the cage is the barrier. The bird is my heart, and the dangers are the people around me. My heart must stay protected, and it is my own job to make sure it is. Those are my troubles. And I couldn't care less for yours.

I fear all of these things except for cats, I do fear dogs, though. Strange, isn't it.