Between Friend and Foe

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Anya stares at the teddy. Nothing was said for at least 3 minutes, and I was just stood there, holding this stuffed rabbit toy. Earl and Antonio are smiling at the scene. I feel a sudden weight gather around my waist, and look down to see little Anya gripping on to me, smiling brightly and crying. "Thank you, Heather!" I pat her head gently, trying not to be too awkward around the young girl. "It's okay, I just found it." Earl looks at me; I can tell he wants to say something, but not in front of the children. Anya lets go and goes off to play in a corner with her new teddy. Antonio follows her. "Did you guys find anything down here?" I ask Earl. His cerulean blue eyes show slight accomplishment and he nods, pulling out 6 tins of beans and some ibuprofen. "This place isn't good." He mutters lowly. He intends for only I to hear, and as I look over to Antonio and Anya, I can tell he is successful. "I know, there's just something about it that doesn't seem right. I feel like something is hiding here, I just don't know what." I respond to him. Earl opens his arms up for a hug. "What is this? Make Heather uncomfortable because of hugs day?" I ask. I don't refuse the hug. 

His arms are like a cage, I feel safe in them. He doesn't hug me too tight, but tight enough to know that he's really there. "I picked up one of the pictures. The Mother and the children looked exactly like you." I freeze in his arms. One of his huge hands rubs up and down my back. "They must have been your family, Heather. There can not be a mistake in the way that you all look alike." I almost cry, this house showed that they weren't exactly bad off, so why? Why did they leave me in that god awful place? I'm so confused right now, I can barely think properly. All I can comprehend is that they were my family and that Earl smells like smoke and wood. "I'm so sorry Heather." I want to cry, but I promised myself that I wouldn't ever cry because of them. "It's okay, I don't care for them anyway." I can feel his nose in my hair, he breathes in shakily. I shiver slightly at the feeling. "You're our family now anyway, they don't matter anymore." And suddenly, the warm feeling was gone.

I glanced over to Antonio and Anya, the young boy glaring at me out of the corner of his eye. His green eyes told me not to hurt him, I don't know why. Earl gives me a gentle pat on the head, and sits down next to the other two, playing and messing around with them. It was cute, they were all just sat there, playing with the toys found in this house. Anya skips towards me, a messy drawing in her hand. Antonio follows. "This is a picture of you when you were fighting the Crazies!" I look at Anya's picture first, noticing all of the red on the page, I am a stick figure with another two sticks for my knives. I laugh and tell her that it is a good picture, folding it up gently and placing it in my bag. "Thank you, Anya." Antonio then shoves his into my hands, blushing slightly. It was amazing. I was drawn perfectly, right down to the single freckle on my nose. There was a sort of abstract feel to it, though, he had sketched my eyes in red and amber, and there seemed to be a fire around the picture, he had even drawn the others there, staring at the scene with fear and hope, he captured every emotion. It was honestly, the best drawing by an 11-year old I had ever seen. 

"He's good, isn't he?" I nod, still staring at the picture. So much detail, so much emotion. "He is a good kid, you know? He's been through a lot, by the time I found him, he had already seen so much death, I couldn't save him from that. I could help Anya, that's why I don't want her to see the world as it is now, I don't want her to be like Antonio, he's scarred. He scarcely talks to anyone but Anya, sometimes at night, he wakes up screaming at the top of his lungs, begging them to stop. None of us knows his past." I listen as Earl talks about Antonio. "He's beginning to trust you, Heather. That's good. At first glance, it may seem like he trusts me, but he doesn't." I smile slightly at the thought of the one person in this group who trusts no one, trusting me of all people. "Just, I want you to trust us too. Antonio is slowly getting there, but it feels like your walls are up so high that none of us can properly climb them." I say nothing for a long while, the two of us standing in silence. "I don't know how to trust, I lost that ability a long while ago." Earl sighs but looks at me anyway. "But you seem to be getting closer to us before you wouldn't allow anyone except for Anya to touch you, but a few moments ago, you allowed me to hug you." I contemplate his words for a second, realising them to be true. I was getting used to having them around, it felt normal.

Loud thunder crashed from outside, causing Anya to scream loudly. Antonio hugged her gently, rocking her back and forth. "Anya, it's going to be okay. It's just thunder, it can't hurt us." Earl speaks so softly, his words being like a Father's or Brothers. "Every storm runs out of rain eventually," I speak as softly as he does. She crawls towards us, Antonio following. She stands up before another crash of thunder makes her run towards us and wrap her small arms around both of our waists. Antonio stands aside a little, just watching uncertainly. I open my arm so he can join in. Antonio looks at me with such a happy expression that it makes me feel on top of the world. He joins in.

I feel like I am finally a part of something bigger than just myself, I feel like I am a part of a family.