Between Friend and Foe

Time

Dawn comes quicker than I expected, considering that I couldn't find myself in a suitable state to fall asleep. Every time that I would try to, my mind would continue to race with thoughts and possibilities that are so dark and miserable that I refuse to even bestow them upon you, in fear that it will make you cry and have nightmares. You're welcome. In my head there is a sort of clock, that tells me the time. But the constant tick-tocking in my head frightens me, every second is a second that I am closer to the end. I just hope that I die before I am forced to watch the end of the end, and that will be the official end of the world. Even so, ignorance (at the moment especially) can not be classed as a virtue, ignorance is what got humanity here in the first place, and even so, it never was a virtue. Innocence and ignorance are not useful, sometimes refreshing, but they can't help out. They are the clock-makers, they get inside my head and make everything tick, every clock has a time, and every time is a moment, and every moment will go.

With that happy thought, I got dressed quickly, he did say at dawn, and well, right now is dawn, so we should already be on our way. I look over to their cots and shake my head in exasperation. All of them are fast asleep. I move over to Anya, I wake her up gently and tell her to dress quickly. I don't know how to wake up the other child, he hates me! I shove him gently with my foot, in hopes that he will awaken. He does but glares sharply at me. "Don't touch me." He spits out. So much spite for someone so young. I wake up the oldest last. He doesn't wake up with my shoves, so I end up shoving him out of his cot. He lands on the floor and yelps loudly. "Ow! Why would you do that?" I stare down at the man with my eyebrows raised and my mouth down-turned. "You refused to wake up, it's your own fault. Get dressed and then we can go." I command him. Anya skips towards me, her brown backpack tattered and filled up to the rim. She holds out a small brush to me, and I take it, motioning for her to sit down upon my cot. She does and I began brushing through her tangled ginger hair.

It was about half an hour before we finally managed to leave, all of us wearing goggles and a rag to cover our mouths.  It feels so good to finally be outside, despite the fact that everything is in ruins. "Alright! I just realised that we don't actually know each other all that well, so, we should play 20 questions!" I look up at the oldest one in annoyance, he's acting so childish. Anya claps her hand excitedly. "Yes, oh yes! Please, Miss Heather, play 20 questions with us!" The younger boy scoffs. "Why should it matter that we know each other or not? In the end, everything is going to die, all we need to know is that we can trust each other." Anya looks up at me with bright green, pleading eyes. I can't bring myself to resist how cute she looks at the moment. "But, fine. I shall play 20 questions." The oldest grins at me and ruffles his dirtied hair a bit. "Alright, I'll go first! Heather, what are your parents' names?" I wince a little but answer confidently. "I don't have any parents, they gave me up when I was a baby. I'm here to help the younger ones."  The oldest frowns a little and moves to give me a comforting hug. I jerk away from him quickly. "Don't touch me, my turn. What is your name?" He looks a little offended but brightens up almost instantly. "I'm Earl, Earl Gray. My turn, favourite colour?"

The game goes on, back and forth, asking questions and gaining a simple understanding of each other. Even the boy, who I had figured out was called Antonio, joined in. We had walked at least 15 miles by noon, and Anya was moaning about being hungry. I rolled my eyes and rummaged in my bag for something for her to eat on the way to our next destination. That is if we even have a set destination. I find a can of mango, open it and thrust it into her hands. "There, eat up." She tries to protest, saying that she can find her own food. "Anya, just take it. You're not with them anymore, we take care of you." Antonio tells her softly, placing a calloused hand on her shoulder. She nods uncertainly but places a few mango pieces in his hand. "But you need to eat too!" Antonio turns a bright red and looks away from Anya. I look to my left and notice that Earl had shifted closer to me slightly. "They are so cute together." He smiles. And for the first time in what feels like forever, I smile and nod back.

Let me tell you this now. We are the strangest bunch of people ever. All of us have very different characteristics and we all have a lot of flaws, but somehow I feel- I don't know how to explain it. It's kind of like I've known them my whole life, and I'm getting rather attached to Anya. I keep getting the sudden urge to protect them from everything, even though I know that I can't. They all act as what I presume a family would act like, and they accepted me into the group quickly. It makes my heart kind of ache a bit. But it's not a bad ache! It's a good ache. This isn't making much sense, is it? Maybe the fact that it doesn't make any sense connect with the fact that how I feel at the moment makes no sense? Now, that's confusing. Nevertheless, I suppose that all you need to know is that I want to help them, and care for them, and make sure that no matter what, that they cannot be hurt.

My skin is a sickly pale, I presume it's from spending so much time in the bunkers. There's isn't.