Loved You Anyway [Zayn Malik]

Bonus chapter: Anderson .vs. Malik Feud Explained

The next morning, I prepared an over-night bag with my clothes and other essentials I would need for the next few days. I was sat down with my back against the front door waiting for my father to call me, signifying he had arrived to pick me up and take me back to Leeds for the next few days. My grandmother had suffered yet another seizure during the night and the doctor informed us that we should expect her death within the next two days.

My grandmother, Jackie Anderson, is one of the many sufferers of epilepsy. Although she took medication to prevent seizures from happening quite frequently, when they did actually happen they would be so horrible that she would look as though she was in pain. Since I spent a lot of my free time at their house, I was present for a few of them and couldn't do anything to help them. Comforting them or trying to calm them down wouldn't alter the seizure. The only thing I could do for her was to lay her down on her side so that she wouldn't choke on her own saliva and wait for it to be over.

My phone started ringing and when I noticed it was my father, I ended the call, grabbed my bag and left the house. When I entered the car, I stuck my headphones in my ears and blocked everything out. My father looked in a state that was much worse than mine, and I didn't blame him. It was his mother after all. They were quite close, unlike the relationship I had with my mother. If it weren't for my father being the equilibrium that he was, then I don't think I would have been able to live under the same roof as her. 

The ride from our house to the hospital in Leeds where my grandmother was, felt like two minutes long, when in reality it was almost twenty minutes. After finding an empty spot in the parking area, we made our way to the elevators without a single word. The elevator made a few stops on the way to 'Level 6' and when the doors slid open smoothly I followed my father out of the suffocating elevating metal box, down a long corridor with blinding lights. Even the light outside hurt my eyes, probably due to the fact that I hadn't gotten any sleep the previous night.

I counted the steps I took one-by-one and after the count had risen to the number seventy-four, my father stopped and turned to look at me. My head rose slowly and I met a pair of eyes identical to mine; eyes that were red and puffy, looking broken and completely miserable. It broke my heart even more just to look at him and I felt my heart beating faster, not ready for the inevitable goodbye that would soon be coming. I wasn't ready for that. I had finally found how to go through a panic attack when my memories hit back, and I found my comfort spot in Zayn, but I knew that this time I couldn't go to him. I didn't want to put the pressure on him to always be there for me. I had gone through things alone, and I wanted to go back to depending on myself.

I felt way too vulnerable depending on others, and didn't like that feeling one bit. When you show your vulnerability to others they use it against you without realizing sometimes and you would end up getting hurt even more than before.

"Hazel," my father started off and I knew that a speech was coming up. His bottom lip quivered but he quickly pulled himself together and looked me straight in my face, his expression turning slightly cold and distant. "Your grandmother won't make it through the night. She only has a few hours, eight maximum. I know how close you two were so I want you –no. I need you to make her feel at home. Make her feel loved because I have no idea how to help her, Hazel. I feel so useless. I don't even know what to do."

A tear slipped down his cheeks and my heart shattered into a billion pieces, tears forming in my eyes and I quickly enveloped my father into a hug, wanting to make him feel comfortable, to make him feel better but I knew that a simple hug wouldn't suffice, I knew that it wasn't going to ease the excruciating pain he was feeling. I knew it was worse than what I was feeling. Like I said before, they had a pretty close bond for a mother and son.