Complications

Part 32

‘You love me?’ I ask him, not sure if I heard him right. He starts to blush which confirms I heard him right. ‘Yes.. I do.’ He replies shyly. I’m so confused. Why would he love me? I’m not one to love.

‘Why?’ I ask but right before he wants to talk I stop him. ‘Never mind, don’t answer. It’s my turn to explain things.’ I’m terrified. How do I start? Even do he said he loves me I’m still scared of his reaction.

Wait.. Did he ever said ‘I love you’ before? Did I even say it back? I want to say it back but for now I owe him an explanation. I take a few moments to think how I will explain it. Because he will know everything about me after this. About my problems too which he will offer to help again.

‘Okay here it goes.. I’m going to skip why and everything, let’s just say I got in trouble once and it went downhill from there. I got into the wrong crowd as you saw and we got drunk a lot, smoked a lot and so on. And I don’t mean just cigarettes.’ I begin and I see in his eyes that he is disappointed.

I can’t blame him though, who would want a girl like me? ‘Please don’t take your words back.. I..’ I begin because I’m afraid he would take back his ‘I love you’.

‘I won’t, I love you no matter what. Go on.’ He encourages me and brings my hands to his mouth and kisses them. It’s a very sweet gesture and it gives me butterflies.

‘Well.. because of all that, I got into trouble with money and so did the others. So we started the jobs I talked about to get the money to pay our dealers or just for alcohol. The jobs involved mostly breaking into stores, crashing things but never, NEVER killing.’

I take a moment before I tell the rest because it’s a little hard.

‘But then one day, only me and Daniel had a job to do. The others weren’t involved because it was only me who had trouble. I had lots of debts with my dealer, I still do but I won’t do these jobs anymore. Because of that day.’

‘I can’t really remember what the job was but I do know that we got caught and he was about to bust our ass. If that happened, everything would be ruined. My parents would flip out even more and it would be very easy for them to find me. Your dad was only doing his job and he was assuring me that he would help me but we would have to come with him..’

‘I can’t really remember what he said but Daniel wouldn’t cooperate with him and when your father walked towards us, he...’ I can’t say the rest, it’s obvious though.

‘You don’t have to say the words.’ Niall stops me, thank god. ‘I wanted to go over to him but Daniel stopped me, saying that it was for the better. He was asking for my help and Daniel pulled me away..’

‘I remember that. You wanted to go over to him but he pulled you away.. You wanted to help him.’

‘ I did, I really did, I never wished for that to happen.’

‘I remember how you called out for his name. I remember looking at you. I can’t believe that I didn’t remember you when we got to the same school.’

He stays quiet for a while. ‘Niall, please say something..’