dear future self ; s.m

fifteen

(A/N: guys I'm so so sorry for not updating in a while. I've been so stressed lately and caught up in a fantasy that I forgot about reality, so here I am back in reality hoping one day that fantasy's and dreams will come true. Anyway, enjoy this chapter, I know it's short and I'm sorry but longer note at the end on why)

Tris's POV

We arrived at the venue where the meet and greet is being held and we went through the back door so the guys won't get mobbed by tones of screaming girls.

They say it's happened before so they wanted to keep us safe.

We walked backstage and I can hear the people talking just behind this big red curtain.

All of a sudden my heart starts racing and my hands become sweaty.

It's my stage fright. This happens every time I am about to go in front of a big crowd of people. Eventually my vision gets blurry and I feel like I'm going to pass out. Sometimes I have a panic attack. I have only passed out a few times on stage. Hopefully I won't today.

I grab the corner of the curtain so I can get a peek of how many people are actually out there.

Before I can open it someone taps my shoulder. I release the curtain and turn around.

To my surprise, I see Jack J.

"Are you okay?" He asks. "Yeah I'm fine" I lie. I'm pretty sure he can tell I'm lying because he gives me a confused look.

"You don't look fine and your hands are shaking" he picks up my left hand and I see that it's shaking. I didn't notice it before but they are also cold.

"Your freezing Tris, are you sick? You need to sit down" he squeezes my hand trying to warm it up and then gestures to a chair and I sit down.

"I'm okay Jack, honest" I tell him to not worry but he continues to comfort me.

"Alright, but your gonna do great out there. I know it. Just don't worry about it, think of something that makes you warm and happy. You'll be fine, everything will work out" he smiles.

I send him a smile. Not because I'm not scared, because trust me, I'll be jumping out of my seat right now, but I'm not.

He said to think of something that makes me happy. Easy. Shawn. I think of all the good times we've had together, how we met, how we got to where we are now, and how I've fought the urge to let myself love him. Like love him. Obviously I do and he says he loves me.

But people leave. People go, people never come back. Just like my dad left, granted it wasn't his fault, but I never got to say goodbye and I regret not being with him the night he died.

He left me, scared to death and alone.

Realizing that my thoughts have drifted I turn my emotions off. Well, not technically, but I'm gonna try to keep them away for now.

My shaking stops, and I don't feel nervous anymore. I feel... good.

"Five minutes!" The stage manager calls, I nod my head.

I look up and see Shawn. I smile and he returns the favor.

The rest of the guys start falling in back stage waiting for the show to start.

Shawn's POV

We pulled up to the building and we all went through the back door so nobody will see us.

My hands start to become clammy, I'm not scared, just nervous. I hope Tris says yes, I love her, with all my heart.

And it would kill me if I can't call her mine.

I watch Tris as she walks behind the stage to see the screaming girls outside.

I hope her stage fright doesn't scare her, that means she won't want to go on stage and I won't get to ask her out with my plan.

I grab Jack who's talking to Matt.

"What is it bro?" He asks. "I know you and Tris have things in common so I was wondering if you could like go check on her? She seems nervous and I would do it myself but I have to get things ready" I ask.

"Sure thing, I gotchu bro. Go get your girl" he says.

"Thanks I owe you one" I tell him. I watch as he walks up to Tris. After so, I turn to the guys and push them into a random room.

"Everyone know the plan?" I ask. "Yes, we got it. Stop stressing please Shawn, your home give me a heart attack and I'm not even the one asking the girl" Nash says.

I force a laugh, just to keep my stress level at a minimum.

We talk about the plan and how things are gonna go down but we get interrupted by the stage manager telling us that we only have 5 minutes left.

"C'mon, can't be late" I say with hope and fear in my voice, not knowing if it's noticeable.

We all walk out to where Jack and Tris are.

She notices me and smiles, I smile back and walk up to her. "Hey, you ready?" I ask her.

"I hope so" she says. "You'll be fine, don't worry, everything will be alright... I hope" I whisper the last part so only I can hear.

"Alright people! Show time!"

•

A/n : I'm sorry for such a short, boring and sucky chapter. I know it's know it's not my best but I don't know if I want to continue this book anymore or not. I have no ideas for it, I'm out of ideas. My brain is fried and I'm growing up. Writing is my passion, it will always be, I love it dearly. But writing a story about a teenage boy who is pop star sensation is not helping me with the growing up part. Of course, I love Shawn, I will always love Shawn and I have nothing against fanfics but I'm not sure if fanfics are my thing anymore. Well, who am I kidding every time I say I'm not writing fanfics anymore, an idea occurs in my head and I start writing it. Maybe they are my thing. I just don't think I'm digging how this book is going, I think it's terrible and not good. I don't know guys comment what you think I should do with it. Leave it up and finish it or write something else that I like now because personally, I have a good tvd fanfic twirling around in my brain and I think it would be good so idk guys heeellllp is appreciated :))