One Way || Phan

Part 17.

*Dan's POV*

Phil didn't wake up that day. I went home after a few hours of being by his side constantly and decided to return the day after.

He didn't wake up the next day either. Nor the day after. He kept sleeping. A coma, that's what it was called according to the doctors. I knew what it was, but had never expected to experience it this closely. It could last for a couple of days, weeks or even months. The fact that no one knew how long exactly, scared me the most. I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if he didn't wake up at all. The chances of that happening were very small, but still there. I tried to repress those thoughts, but they kept me awake at night. 

I spent my days going to school as usual, but as soon as the bell of the last lesson rang, I would immediately go home, grab some snacks and go to the hospital. I spent as much time as possible with Phil and even did my homework in the small hospital room. Basically, I was the only person caring about him right now, his family seemed to have disappeared completely. Chris and PJ came by a couple times as well, but it was mostly me who was keeping him company.

I talked to him a lot, which felt really strange at first. I would always tell him how my day had been and what had happened at school. I would tell him how much I missed his company and how he didn't deserve to be in this situation, in the hope that he would be able to hear me and wake up, of course.

But still, after weeks of being at his side non-stop, he hadn't moved a muscle. The doctors told me there was no reason to panic as the chances of him waking up soon were still high. But my hope faded with every single day.

It broke me emotionally. The lack of sleep was killing me, the stress became too much. School was going downhill, I stopped doing any homework at all and got bad grades for every test. My motivation and concentration were just... gone. My parents tried to cheer me up as best as they could and tried to motivate me to keep going, but that didn't stop me from feeling down most of the time. 

Time passed and nothing changed. People told me not to worry, but I could see they weren't sure anymore too. Sometimes when I was with Phil the doctors and nurses kept me company for a while and talked to me. It felt good, to have some company that actually talked back.

That day started as all the other days. I went to school, got yelled at by the teachers for not paying attention during the lessons, and made my way to the hospital afterwards.

I opened the door to his room and stepped in. This whole room had become so familiar. It almost felt like my second home, strangely. Everything about it made me feel at ease, although this situation was everything but pleasant. It was stressful and exhausting, though I couldn't feel anything but safety when I was with Phil. I never cried when I was with him. I always saved that part for when I got home.

I sat down next to his bed as always. I greeted him like he could hear me and talked about random things like we were normal friends in a normal situation. Just normal. Everything was okay.

I even made stupid jokes and laughed about them as if we were laughing about them together. It was just a usual day, not any different from the rest. Phil was still asleep, as I liked to call it. 'Coma' sounded so scary... like he was dying. Asleep sounded peaceful and safe.

But when my laughter had died down, and I ran out of things to say, my entire mood broke down. Suddenly I felt reality crashing down on me and splinter all positivity. Emotions and words overflowed my brain and vanished at the same time and I started crying.

"Why is this happening?" I whispered, tears quietly streaming down my face. "Why, Phil? What have we done to deserve this?"

Phil didn't respond. His eyes were still closed, his limbs were still not moving. I realized how pointless this was. Phil wasn't asleep. I tried so desperately to hold on to him, but I never knew this might happen. No one could say when he would wake up. It could take months and even then it wasn't sure. I knew I had to let it go a bit more, but I didn't want to.

I reached out, trembling heavily, and took his hand in my own. I traced the lines on his hand with my fingertips. How could someone be alive and dead at the same time? People were supposed to be the one or the other, not both. That was simply not fair. 

"I need you," I choked out between sobs. "I really do. From the first moment I saw you, I knew you were special. You've always been the person I looked up to, and I still do. You gave me so much more than a normal friend could give me. You gave me everything I needed to function and yet you're the one that's tearing me apart right now. I think I love you. You can't just leave me, I need you. Please, Phil, wake up."

I looked up and opened my eyes. My vision was blurred due to the tears but I could see he still wasn't moving as if he suddenly would after my little speech. And that was the moment my sadness turned to anger.

I jumped up as a sudden wave of anger and frustration came rushing over me. I had to kick something, anything. Just let the anger out after such a long time of holding it in.

Nothing around me seemed suitable for taking a hit; I didn't want to break something since I was in a hospital after all. And besides, they probably would kick me out if I'd make too much noise.

So I kicked the wall next to the window. Hard. The pain I felt immediately made me regret my action as it felt like my foot was burning on the inside. 

Powerless to do something else, I started crying again. I softly muttered "It's not fair" over and over again until I felt too tired to cry anymore. I felt completely numb and I rested my head against the wall, tired of everything. I just wanted to leave this place.

And just when all hope seemed lost and I decided to go home and sleep, I heard the sounds of bed sheets moving behind me. A low, raspy voice that I had been craving for so long to hear filled my ears and caused my heart to stop beating for a moment.

"D-Dan?" 

[A/N: I swear this whole fanfic is just an emotional rollercoaster

Thanks for 2k reads! You're all amazing :D]

Edited: 26-2-2018