Scarlet Shadows || Kaisoo

Chapter 2 | I

April 4th, 2016

Dear Diary,
It's been almost 7 months now, that I've wholly acknowledged the kind of person I am. No matter how much my brain comprehends and agrees to cooperate, there is this stubborn, unguarded and uncontrollable feeling that's chained up to my heart, that never lets me move forward; never makes me want to give up. Every time, every single time this indescribable dilemma clouds my mind, and blurs my vision, I see him, fucking with the thoughts in my head and making my eyes so red and rheumy, that my eyes start raining...
I know I sound so stupid and incorrigible but there's nothing in the whole world that would help me through this, other than his love; no matter how cheesy it sounds.
Call me crazy, but why he fuck do I even like him of all people? He's cold, creepy and is alone even when he's surrounded by people! He's the most spoilt, rude and indifferent guy ever, yet--yet I seem to hold on to this person, no, this monster who doesn't even consider me to be equal to a bug(not that I'm anything over that but still..)

Today was yet another horrible day at school. The usual drama and shit, and of course, I saw the person my eyes didn't want to see, but my heart really craved for. God,what am I even saying?

I sound like a fucked up loser, don't I?
That's what's become of me, I guess.

You know how hard I'd tried to fold my feelings, how much I tried to be the namja I look like, and how much I tried to like girls. But it's been almost too long that I've been feeling this way, and confessing it to my best friend just made her freak out.

So how the fuck would Kim Jongin, the man of my dreams, react to it?

I closed my diary, and heaved a sigh. For the past few years, writing a diary, more than being a healing of sorts, has become, unfortunately, the only work in life that I do ever so diligently.
Its so annoying, yet the only comfort to me. The thought of seeing him again makes my stomach somersault wildly. Even so, there is this dread that creeps into me, that gives me the cold shoulder.

I am not even close to playing hard to get.
Infact, I don't stand a fucking chance.
~~~~~~~

Heyyyy you guys
Finally ready to uncover my long term addiction to Korean Pop, I write this over exaggerated, typical, yet with a little twist of my own, my very first Kaisoo fanfiction. The feels in me are tooo strong to contain, so please bear with this poor author nim :))))