Scarlet Shadows || Kaisoo

Chapter 18 | Anam Cara 1.0

"Well hello, Jongin." Sehun smirked.
My fists wanted to launch themselves on his face, but ever since that mark had been burnt into my skin, I've never, not once been able to do anything on my own.
Everytime I try to control my hunger, try to control the monster in me, everytime I try my best not to hurt Kyungsoo, he stirs me up like a rag doll, and fucks with me knowing I can't do shit against him.

I just stared at him, as his hands pulled me by my collar, "How long are you going to hide it from him?" He whispered next to my ear, the fear of the truth making me sick in the stomach.
~
"Jongin, um, what's going on?" I probed. From how it looked, they were standing quite close to each other, and when I say quite, I mean quite close.
Sehun spoke up from nowhere, "Good luck letting him know, Jongin." and he walked towards me.
"Mo anam cara" he winked, and left.
What the fuck does that mean?

Jongin was standing right across me, his eyes fixed on the splattered coffee.
"Jongin, you okay?", I asked him as softly as I could and lifted his face up to mine. His eyes glinted fiesty red but immediately softened. *
"Kyungsoo.." He said, and I waited in silence.

Jongin walked towards me and took my hands, "Can we talk?"
We sat down on my bed, facing each other. This is it? I'm finally going to know what the fuck is happening and what is all this, what is Jongin's real identity.
"I'm, I'm,-do you know what I am?"
I shuddered, a cold wave of my own silence hit me, I didn't know. I didn't know what he was, I didn't know how he was, what he felt, nothing.
I nodded in dismay, and he continued, "I am a monster. The wings I get, the red eyes, the feeding? It's all because I am, I'm,-"
I waited.
He swallowed, sweat rolling down his brows, "I'm a ghoul."
Ghouls? Frick, ghoulism is real?! Fear crept in me and my heart's pace picked up, ghouls are completely monstrous.,, but if he really loves me, and is not jumping to devour me when he's around me, then what sort of a ghoul is he?
"Why don't you feed on me?"
"That's, that's because I'm half human..Years before I moved to this place, I was with another group of people, people who were working on changing the little left of half-human, half-ghouls like us to complete humans."
Wow okay, this is getting so fucking creepy I think I'm going to cry.
"We just wanted to be humans..Live like them, be happy, love someone, have someone to love.. We just wanted justice, a place to live., a family.."
My heart ached for him. True, I'm hearing my boyfriend telling me the creepiest scary shit ever and I want to run away and hide in my closet and never come out. But we've come a long way, from when I thought he was a complete jerk, to now.
My heart hurts.
"That's when I met Sehun..He was also like me, and his father was working on changing us.. I thought Sehun was my best friend..family, I thought they were family.. His father was almost mine too..I was so desperately in need of family...of love..and they gave it to me so I agreed to everything they wanted me to do..I thought we'd be okay.. But watching his dad, he went crazy, he felt alone, and he, he changed.."
A tear slid down his cheek, but he bit his lip and continued.
I hate this.
I hate it.
"His father injected and tested most of his finds on me and very rarely on him, and that irritated Sehun.. He really went crazy.,and I believed him.. We did the biggest mistake, and on top of that ran away from there.. I felt useless, I felt worse than a guinea pig, I felt horrible about myself, about wishing for unrealistic things like love, friendship, family.."
Hot tears wet his cheek, and he was weeping now, his hands trembling and his whole body shuddering.
I could feel my own tears running down my cheeks, I wanted to hug him, and tell him that he isn't alone, but I felt tied up and lost.
"I couldn't wrestle the weight of the world, I couldn't handle different feelings, wants attacking me. So I left..I left everyone and came here as a man with no soul, no emotions, no thoughts, no humanity, no wants, but hunger, thirst, obliviousness and danger. Sehun,..he, he-"
Before he could finish his sentence, he started puking blood. Thick clots of blood were thrown out of his mouth before he lost consciousness and fell into my arms.

~

It was the second day in the hospital. I hadn't showered or eaten. Jongin worried me. After that night, over which I'm still troubled, I haven't been able to think straight, sleep properly or even function as a normal person. So many thoughts flooded my head, my heart was trampled.
Sehun betrayed me? Or did he not? I trusted Sehun. I trusted him so fucking much and he just walked over me. But Jongin did mention that they were like family. ¿
Jongin is a ghoul. He's killed people before, he's done so much of screwed up shit in his life, he's been through so fucking much.
As much as I desperately want to leave, my heart doesn't want to. True, I initially loved him just because. Without a reason, because he made me feel different. But now, now it's not like that. Now I have a reason, I have a will, I have the same greed, the same thirst to protect him, to be there for him, to be the one who loves him, who will be his friend, the one who is his family.

I love him,
and nothing will stop me.
____

Yall forgive me for my sins new ksoo comin
-authornim