AWAKE - kim seok jin

Chapter 30: I Can't.

"Really, Areum?" he asked in despair.

I gulped the lump in my throat and I couldn't move at all due to shock.

"I really.. tried to hold it in." he held back his tears. "But is this really how you're going to treat me? Acting like you don't remember me?"

***

"W-what are you talking about?" I stuttered. "Let's j-just go into the van before they search for you." I uttered, avoiding eye contact and tried to remove his grip from me, but failed.

"For fuck sake, Areum!" he cried. "Don't act like you don't remember me! We both know it wasn't a dream. We both know, it wasn't!"

Tears were brimming in my eyes and I held my breath. Was this for real? Was I dreaming again? Or was I just hallucinating?

I kept my face emotionless and looked at him straight into his eyes. His face looked really gloomy and down. His piercing stare made my heart beat fast.

So it really wasn't a dream. He really did remember me.

"Don't tell me you don't remember anything.. Please." he looked straight into my eyes, tears falling down his face. "Everytime I see you I can't help but cry! Why do you do this to me? Why did you break our promise? Why do you have that effect on me?!"

"J-ji—"

"I really tried to act like I don't know you, Areum." he cut off. "It hurts me so fucking bad. When I woke up, the first thing I did was search for you! It drove me insane, I thought I was losing my mind! The members thought I was going crazy!" he sobbed.

He let go of my wrist harshly and I tried my best to control myself not to let out a groan.

"Because you said those three words, everything shattered. I tried so hard to avoid the both of us from saying those words." he cried. "I knew it from the start, that it was all a dream. I knew that I got into an accident. I don't know why, but somehow I just remembered. I knew that I wasn't supposed to say those words or the dream would be over. I thought I was going to be fine, but then you came into my life and twisted things!"

"Then why didn't you say it to somebody else in the first place!" I yelled, anger bursting.

"I couldn't go back if I didn't mean what I said, so what's the use?!"

"Do you not think what happened to me on the other hand?" I took the courage to speak. "I was confused as fuck, Jin! Really, I thought what I did was all real but I was dumbfounded when I was told I was in a coma! Can you not tolerate how I feel? Atleast you realised what was happening while I didn't. I even tried to kill myself just so that I could go back to how things were!"

His brows furrowing, he couldn't find the right words to speak.

"It's hard for me, Jin." I sighed. "I'm trying to get over you but you just had to come back into my life again. I was doing just fine."

"But I'm not doing fine." he breathed heavily. "Do you know why the dream led me to you?" he asked with his menacing stare.

I stayed quiet but I too was actually curious. I also wondered a lot about it, why, why out of everyone, why him?

"Because you were the one who crashed into our van. Because of you, I had to face all of this." he told me. "Until now, I still couldn't erase the scene of you disappearing before my eyes. It traumatised me to see the one I love disappear into dust. When I said I love you too, I was confused on why I didn't disappear like you did. I only sat in the corner and cried all night long! Fuck, it hurts, Areum."