AWAKE - kim seok jin

A Second Chance.

3 MONTHS AFTER HIS DEATH—

         "Noona, I'm going now. Are you sure you're gonna be okay?" Jaehyun held my shoulder with his right hand, the other one holding his dark blue luggage.

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm sure. You don't have to worry about me, Jae." I smiled and ruffled his hair. "I'm doing just fine."

"Tell mom and dad that it's okay if they can't make it on time to the airport, I'm about to go in anyways. I know how busy they are."

"Alright, my baby."

I placed a kiss on his cheek and we hugged for the last time. As I watched him going into the boarding area, he waved me goodbye, and I smiled, trying hard not to shed any tears because I didn't want to ruin the good mood.

"I love you, noona! Call me if you need anything!"

"I love you too, Jaehyun! Take care, give me a call when you arrive!"

After watching him go, I turned around to head out of the airport, but I stopped in tracks when I suddenly saw Seojun holding a luggage, wearing his long coat and walked past me without even acknowledging my presence.

It was the fourth time I saw him after his death. But I still felt something really, really heart-wrenching when I do. I knew it was just my hallucination; but I would always forget about it when I see him.

"S-seojun?" I stuttered, my eyes never leaving from staring at him.

I thought that maybe he didn't hear me, so I voiced out louder.

"Seojun? Jagi!" I bit my lip and tried to chase after him but he was walking too fast.

He didn't spare me any glance and just walked away. I ran faster, but it seemed like everything was in slow motion and only Seojun was getting farther away.

I stopped and panted, hands on my knees. I caught my breath for a while and when I blinked once to search for him again, he wasn't there anymore. He was already gone.

And it hurt me.

Badly.

Was I crazy?

***

I slouched on the couch once I arrived in the empty apartment. Now it's just me, alone.

I looked at the whole living room and sighed. If Seojun was still here, we'd laugh in relief because Jaehyun wasn't going to be back for a while and that we can spend more time with each other without having to be interrupted by him.

But that's just then. Now, all those dreams were shattered and I'm only building my future alone, without him by my side.

I'm a liar if I said that I have moved on. I haven't— but I'm trying. I already went on several blind dates and my friends tried to hook me up with someone that they know, but none of them worked.

In the end of the day, I only found myself curled all alone in bed crying to myself in the middle of the night, thinking of Seojun.

Would he be happy seeing me like this? I've always wondered.

I got up and looked at the pictures of us hanging on the wall. Some of them were pictures of us on Jaehyun's graduation day. It was just weeks before his death.