Goddess Magazine Stories/Articles

Should I Be Selfish in the Bedroom? (Oct, 2011)

Let's face it ladies, we always give our partners what they want in the bedroom. Well, most of the time. But, why don't we get what WE want? A little romance and chivalry never killed anyone, unless you are the get-down-to-business type. Playtime in the bedroom should be fun for both of you, not one sided, but there are times when we feel like flying solo when our partner is all about themselves. Why not? Do unto others.

So, should we be selfish in the bedroom? That's a topic some people are on the fence about. We want our gratification too, but, sometimes we can't achieve it. We are either turned off by our lover and how well their skills are, or just not physically or mentally in the mood. Also, Men are more easily aroused at the drop of a hat when us women need a little extra time to get ready for action. Men also hit their climax a lot sooner than women and often, we are left hanging, leaving some of us to finish ourselves.

It is possible that maybe your sex life is stale and repetitive, which can cause selfishness and getting the job done right on your own. This may also cause resentment and feelings of inadequacy on yours or your lover's behalf. Think about what is it that you want or aren't getting and not experiencing. Voice yourself and be heard and get equal time in the bedroom. If not, then things will be assumed fine, and continue to self destruct. If it is lacking what you feel it should have, then match your partner's actions, they'll notice soon enough and step up their game.

Start with being appreciative. If you are sexually attracted and love each other, that should come easy. If you can't, then it will become an obstacle to put in the effort to please. Take time out to satisfy each other often, showing enthusiasm about giving and a satisfying relationship in and out of the bedroom can become easy to maintain.

Next, be open. To gain equality under the sheets, concentrate on each others needs and likings, right down to the smallest kiss. Teach and learn from one another, and ask each other what exactly to do and do it. Use your hands and direct them where you want them to go.

Lastly, have energy. How much energy are you willing to put out? Make designated time to work on your bedroom skills, using appreciation and openness as your guides for fairness.

Being selfish is not only unnerving and sexually frustrating, but it has it's consequences and can cause destruction in a union, whether in the sexual or commitment sense. Both you and your mate should equally enjoy giving and receiving pleasure when doing the deed. Sex isn't about obligation or being a chore, it's about expressing your love with your bodies (and having some fun, too).