Goddess Magazine Stories/Articles

Why Doesn't He Love Me The Way i should Be Loved? (Aug/Sept, 2011)

We've all known someone who has been in a relationship or marriage that felt one-sided – giving their all mentally, emotionally, physically, sometimes even financially, and they do not get that same love and respect in return from their partner.

It is normal for every relationship to go through its trials and tribulations, but what causes half of the partnership to feel like they are not loved?

Mid life crisis - Several of us at one time or another have felt the need to re-invent ourselves and make major lifestyle changes, whether it be to change our appearance, the way we dress, our views, or even spend large amounts of money with the assumption that material things will make things better. These days, “mid-life” crises seem to happen at any age. They can even be a great ego booster or lead to an affair, which can cause the feeling of a partner not feeling loved by their mate.

Major life changing events – Death, marriage, new job, kids/new baby – dealing with these stresses can trigger chaos to any relationship. These same situations could even cause the above bullet of midlife crisis and take a mental blow on anyone. The shock and impact of death can lead to depression and a small amount of the time can lead to substance abuse or even suicide. People dealing with death can even withdraw themselves from loved ones. A new baby/kids could make a partner feel like they are not getting the attention they deserve while the other, of course, is putting all their focus into parenting, and could also be feeling the same way.

A new job could be problematic, especially after coming back into the work field after being out of employment or if there is transfer and have to be relocated. Some people even work away from home or travel constantly and come home on weekends, which may cause drifting apart.

All these factors play major positive and negative roles to any relationship, let alone an individual and can change one's way of thinking or maybe even feel inadequate and not good enough in a relationship or can even have the reverse effect, making them feel superior, while making a partner feel they are worthless. Whatever the reason, communicating how you feel is crucial. At times it is difficult to express how one is feeling, but take a deep breath and try to speak without frustration and remain calm. Without playing the blame game, let your significant other know what you've been thinking and how it is affecting you.

When all else fails, there is always couple's counseling, which can help get to the core of a relationship's issue, as well as help individually. But, it isn't always the answer. About 25% couple seeking therapy say it helped, but a higher percentage said counseling made their marriage differences worse.

There is no point to remaining in a loveless relationship, no matter how how difficult one may think it is to pick up and start over, and a person most definitely should not have to questions their mate's love and actions. Some people stay in their situation because their life in convenience and are comfortable in the routine, but it does take a toll and wears down one's psyche.

If things cannot permanently change for the better, move on to someone who will cherish you and who won't play hot and cold games with your heart and mind. Surround yourself with supportive people who can help you move on. Though showing a significant decrease, divorce rates in the Unites States are estimated to be about 3.4% per ever 1,000 person. Around 43% of first marriages are separated within the first fifteen years of taking the vows. Separation is around 4.95% of 1,000 people, and that percentage eventually leads to divorce.

Why should you invest yourself and get less than what you put into something that may no longer have a future? Keep in mind, people fall out of love everyday and it is for the best to be out of a potentially toxic relationship.

One thing can be for sure, don't ever feel like you are alone or trapped in a partnership.