This is the end

Suicide

Some slash their wrists,

Ingest a bottle of bills,

Jump off a high rise building,

Hang themselves or 

Blow their brains off.

And in that moment, when they are bleeding to death, Closing their eyes for the last time, Hanging loose in the air, About to let their weight drop, and let that bullet pierce through their skull, Are moments, they fell most alive. 

Maybe Suicide, Is meant for that so very "Special Moment" To feel alive, Just once before, you case to exist...

" I diden't care about my grades. I diden't care about making friends. I Funcitioned in survival mode. Eat, sleep, school... Rinse and repeat"

One cut,

two cuts, 

three cuts,

four,

Come on darling, what's one more?

Five cuts,

six cuts,

seven cuts,

eight, 

Oh, what a mess this will create...

I'm the girl that talk others from suicide, but ha a hard time diong the same for herself. She truthfully assures everyone how beautiful, lovely, wonderful an precious they all are, because she dosen't want them to feel the same way she does; the opposite...

i'll break down and cry, i'll drag the razor across my skin, i'll scream out that i want to die, but no one will ever listen to my call for help, i can't help myself. I need someone to save me from this hell im living in, everybody hates me and the guy im in love with, dosen't answer me when i really need him, im broken inside and i don't know what the fuck to do anymore, i sit all day long in my bathroom screaming "I DON'T WANNA DO THIS ANYMORE, MAKE IT STOP IT HURTS, IT HURTS SO BAD!" but no one can ever hear me, im actually not sure anybody ever listend to the sound of my voice fighting the monsters that lives inside my body. 

He allways got that exscueses, im broken, he cant even see that! He dont deserve me?! Everybody look at my face and then ask "U ok?" Then i put my fake smile on and tell them "Im fine" and they believe it, and thats why i dont think eveyone ever cared, because you can clearly see that im not okay, because my mascara is streaming down my face, i look like a wet dog. I dont understand when people say that im pretty because i cant even see it a little bit myself, i really hate the way i look, i look like a big black plastic bag that you filled with trash! How could enybody ever fall in love with that? is it even possible?! I dont get it.. But i shouldent talk because i dont even get how life is working..  so here i go.. cry myself to sleep again tonight... ;(