everything has changed ✧ joshler [ON HOLD]

TRXYE

The Fault In Our Stars - Troye Sivan

!!tw; homophobia, physical and emotional abuse!!

the ride back home is silent between mom and me.

she focuses on the road while i just look down at my hands, ashamed of what i've done.

i know she'll scream at me when we get home. it's obvious. i cannot even phantom about how rough josh's parents are yelling at him. his parents, specially his dad, are pretty religious. his siblings are too.

poor of my joshua...it's all my fault.

we arrive home and quietly walk inside. the house's atmosphere is gloomy; i don't like that. it makes me feel insecure and scared. i don't want to repeat the horrible moments that happened years ago. that's the last thing i want.

mom leaves her things on the kitchen table. i sit on the living room, on the floor. i don't feel deserving enough to sit on the couch or a chair. she doesn't look at me while she goes around getting things and places them on the coffee table.

it i feel sinful. as i should.

she finally sits down on the couch in front of me; a box of tissues, two glasses of water, and a plate with cookies are on the table now. i look at her, tears already forming in my eyes. melanie is gonna pissed if she knows i ruined her hard work by crying.

"tyler, please sit down,"she motions at the free space next to her on the couch. i do as told, i don't want her to be mad now.

"sweetie, why didn't you tell me about this?"

"about what? my sexuality? i thought it was pretty obvious."

"it wasn't. i really thought josh and you were just best friends. i never imagined...any of this."

i take a deep breath as i feel tears falling down my cheeks. "lo siento..."i mumble. my mom knows very little of spanish, the only things she can recognize are because i got a few mannerisms from mr. miranda.

she has a faint smile on her face. it's the kind of smile you give someone when you pity them. i hope this is not the case. "i know you're sorry, sweetie. it's alright. there is no need for you to apologize at all. you know that i love you no matter who you choose to love or what you wear or anything like that."

she wipes my tears with one of the tissues. she kisses my forehead like she used to do when i was little, she gets a small smile out of me. "thank you."

"i do have a question though. what exactly is your sexuality, if you don't mind me asking?"

"demisexual, mom. it means that for the most part, i don't feel sexual attraction. many demisexuals are only attracted to a handful of people in their lifetimes, or even just one person."

"what?" i can see her confusion. she probably thought i was just gonna say "gay" or "bisexual".

"i want to have sex only with the people who are closest to me. for example, josh."

"you still can..."

"yes, mom. i can still have kids if i want. i fall in love with people, no matter how they identify as. the only difference is the sexual part of the relationship."