everything has changed ✧ joshler [ON HOLD]

AM

Do I Wanna Know? - Arctic Monkeys

i wake up in an unusual place. this is not my bed, nor my room. where the hell am i? last night's events flood my memories out of nowhere, it almost gives me a migraine. i grab my phone from the wooden nightstand next to my side of the bed -it was charging thank god-.

i unlock it and says that it's 1 pm on saturday. a ding plays and see i have a new text from tyler:

tyjo: josh

jish: yes?

tyjo: can you come pick me up?

jish: why?

tyjo: i wanna go out. maybe we can go watch a movie or something
tyjo: or maybe we could go eat who knows

jish: can't
jish: soz

tyjo: what? why not?
tyjo: josh?
tyjo: joshua?
tyjo: i know you're getting my texts
tyjo: joshua william dun where the hell are you?

i put my phone down and shake my head. i look to my right where brendon is laying next to me, still sleeping. his naked body is covered in the white sheets that smell like sin, guilt and sex. i painfully stand up and put on the boxer briefs i wore last night.

i feel dirty. not because i need a shower, although i really need to shower but that's another thing, but because i know what i've done. brendon wakes up and puts on his underwear too. he puts his arms around me and kisses my cheek.

"morning, sunshine."

"morning,"i reply.

"how did my little prince sleep?"

"uh...good i guess. my ass hurts like hell."

he kisses my cheek again,"i'll make us some coffee. i'm pretty sure my parents won't come back until tomorrow so don't worry."

"it's not them who i'm worried for,"i say too quietly for him to hear as he leaves the room to go downstairs.

i sit on the bed and look disgustingly at myself on the mirror that's mounted on the wall in front of me.

i hate myself.

i shouldn't have done this. why did i? it was the dumbest idea. and it's all my fault. i got myself into this. how? i don't exactly remember but i know it all started with a innocent kiss on the cheek. then a kiss on the lips...and neck...and chest...you get the idea. everything's blurry after that one kiss; the pain is still here though. that's for sure. i cannot sit or stand up without it hurting like actual hell. thank god i'm not the one who does this on the daily basis. how does tyler manage to do this every time? it must be really diffi-...oh no. tyler. he doesn't know.

i look back at my phone -which is on silent mode- and see the screen light up with a spam of messages in all possible social medias, missed calls and endless texts too, all from him.

tears start to fill my eyes. how can i tell him about this? he will be crushed. tyler doesn't deserve this. he has done nothing but being good to me and loving me. he is the most precious human that has ever been. i cannot lose him over some stupid mistake i did.

missed call from tyjo (21)

@tylerrjoseph on twitter: josh answer me please