everything has changed ✧ joshler [ON HOLD]

Rooms of the House

Objects In Space - La Dispute

i stand in front of a box. it's a rather normal cardboard box, nothing special about it. the only thing that stands out from the permanent tan like color are some letters written with black sharpie in one of the sides.

j.w.d. stuff.

i'll be honest, i completely forgot that this box existed. it has been in the farthest corner of the storage room in our house for ages. i'm surprised that i didn't notice it when matt and i moved back to my hometown.

now it's back. i can already feel the nostalgia coming. do i even want to open the box? not really. but i think i have to.

how bad can it be?

i take a deep breath and sit on the floor with the box in front of me. i grab the nearest scissors and cut the tape off so i can open it.

there is a hell of a lot of dust covering the lid. the very first item, on top of all the others, is a polaroid camera.

josh got me it during our first christmas together i believe. it's probably broken or maybe it got ruined since i threw it against the wall and the floor a few times before.

right next to the pastel yellow polaroid, there are some pictures that i took with it. they're mostly worn out and aren't in their best conditions, but i can still identify who is doing what in them. one is of josh with the vinyl record that i got him the same christmas, the next is from that same day but he's shirtless and i appear to be on top of him.

the rest are from many of our dates and even some are with friends like melanie and ashley hugging brendon, dallon giving ryan a piggyback ride or pete kissing patrick. all of us are smiling and we look so happy.. these must have been taken before the breakup. i notice that the ones of josh and i alone have things written in the small white space below. 'one year anniversary <3', 'josh's 17th birthday dinner', 'spring break date #13' are some of the captions i wrote on them.

'my best friends!! love you all!! :)' catches my attention. it's a photo of my former group of friends, all hugging and being sappy. someone else took this photo since i'm included in it, josh is kissing my cheek.

i notice that i'm crying when a tear wets that picture. i dry it clean on my jeans and set these aside. i take a minute to mentally prepare for the following items.

broken pair of nonprescription glasses and a pale baby blue tennis skirt. these must have been from my feminine phase. i remember wearing the glasses only to look cool, and i didn't, at all. the skirt is slightly ripped from the edges. josh wasn't careful with my skirts most of the time. the majority got worn out after a few weeks.

next, there are two records and a band t-shirt. the first vinyl is american idiot by green day..the exact vinyl i got josh for christmas. he forgot it at my house days before the breakup and i never gave it back. the other is born to die by lana del rey. i doubt there is a deep, meaningful story for this album, but i think it's the only album i had on repeat after the breakup.

moving on, the t-shirt is a black parade one. josh loved this so much he wanted me to keep it to have him close when we weren't spending time together. he was such a dork..

old script. i remember the play vividly. after all, it was our coming out to the majority of people in our lives. we were the first openly gay couple in school. you could say we were a pretty big deal back then. mr. miranda jokingly signed it so i would never forget him. the rest of the cast and crew members signed it after that; the signatures are all over the place. it feels like my own personalized yearbook in a way.