I Don't Believe

I Don't Believe - Chp 10

“A true knight is fuller of bravery in the midst, than in the beginning of danger.” ~ Philip Sidney

I had to get out of here, plain and simple. Straight forward and to the point, I needed an out.

That one dangerous, toe sizzling smile bought me out from my drunken giddy daze and now I was thrusted into another stage of emotions and feelings that the alcohol had buried and rid of. My mind was free of all that drama and those sinful and torturous thoughts and yet now seeing him with that dazzling aggravating smile had reality crashing back.

Being drunk I was able to let the alcohol take me away and have me happy and alive, not caring of my actions or said words because it was simply the alcohol. Yet now standing there catching his eyes as he sung and his voice wrapped tight around my form, doing illegal things to my body, I was splashed back to reality where he was simply there, meaning I had to have my guard back up.

His genuinely beautiful charming smile and those sparkling eyes that burnt with intensity had my insides quivering, my throat and lips dry and my knees weak ready to collapse. The breath was literally punched out of me and a part of me thought I had been hit, steamed over by a bus or train. Winded I felt my insides quiver and my body react simply from his voice gaze, even if he was far away on a stage and the boisterous people cheering around me blocked my view.

Surely that was alcohol still speaking!

Letting go of a ragged breath I couldn’t be quicker at my escape of this lounge, of the countless hot and alcohol tinted bodies surrounding me and that heated pair of eyes. My body was boiling and burning and all I wanted was out, fresh air and some sanity. Where was that voice inside me that was supposed to be wise and tell me what to do? Because all the voices in my head were telling me to somewhat explicated and illegal things with a certain someone right up on that stage.

I was becoming such a whore!

Pushing through countless people, not even pausing to be polite about it I barged and shoved passed people, ignoring some of their indignant gazes or responses. I didn’t care that my friends had no idea I was fleeing let alone on my own and I certainly didn’t care about anything else like how I was getting home, right now walking home would be more than welcoming.

Pushing the door opened rather roughly I ignored the slight rattle of the glass panes in the door as the ice cold breeze tackled me outside and coiled around me and I greedily inhaled and basked in the fresh and heady free air surrounding me. It was so welcoming and comforting that I wished I could just wrap myself up around it and fall asleep, like on a cloud.

I stood out there for quite some time, just standing there in the peaceful silent night outside the lounge breathing in the fresh and light breeze and listening to the gradual calming of my wildly thrashing heart. My gaze lazily looked around, not anxious of going anywhere as I looked at all the surrounding shops closed up since it was well past midnight and into the morning. I could hear the odd pair of intoxicated people climbing into cars or taxis or leaving a club giggling and laughing, others were stumbling, and others practically having sex on the streets as the left for the night.

the sight in all honesty made me smile at the teenage life, it wasn’t the alcohol that made going out in town so fun really, it was just being out around people and letting loose and enjoying and basking in the beauty of life. It was moments like these that I realized how truly lucky I was despite half of the shit I was dealing with, my life wasn’t so tragic or pitiful, I still had people to enjoy life with and who still loved me despite my ways and past.

“Bailey! Oh thank god I’ve been looking for you!”

And as usual I had spoken way too soon.