Afraid to Feel

Chapter 20: "Warm up to me"

Jusso stood next to Elina, as she leaned onto the railing of the second floor.

Her eyes followed the people down in the foyer. She was amusing herself with measuring just how long the ones she looked at took in noticing that she was up there. It was a boring game that she hated playing, but she did enjoy standing there. Up there she could immerse herself into her little game, and forget about all the things that plagued her life.

"Don't you ever get tired of being in here?" She voiced after a while of contemplation, ever watchful of the events on the first floor.

"Sometimes."

It was nice to have Jusso to talk to. For a long time after she tried to escape, he hadn't directed a word her way, nor looked like he might if it wasn't strictly to the work he did. Mr. Stalker set limits to her and announced whenever Ville wanted her, but other than that there was nothing. He had been angry, and he held the grudge longer than Ville. "At least you're free to leave if you wanted."

She had not meant her words to be shade, and she was glad that he didn't take them like such. He didn't close up on her, the opposite; he gave a half smile, as he joined her leaning on the rail. "I'm not allowed to talk about that with you."

"What else aren't you supposed to talk to me about?" She said, looking to the side to him. It wasn't true anymore that Manna was her only friend in the Mansion. Even if his presence in every moment of her day was because of his job, Elina began to consider him as a good friend. He wasn't an ally in her plight, as sometimes Manna was, but she was closer to him that the rest of the people she talked to in the house. Jusso daily delivered her to evil, but that wasn't his fault.

"Current events, politics, inner workings of this place, things like that."

"Well, you've done a great job." She smiled at him, and he at her for some reason as they looked at each other fondly. "If you worked for me I would give you a raise."

"Thank you for your generosity." He never stopped smiling. Jusso shook his head as he looked down. It was nice for Elina to just be there, without a care in the world, and free to waste her time as she pleased. Though she could do that every day, it was something that had yet to grow old with her.

There was a little ringtone erupting from Mr. Stalker's pocket, and Elina knew her relaxing time had ended.

~@~

It was happening again.

Elina realized she was in a nightmare. Her heart began to beat against her chest painfully, and in her throat all the air of her lungs got stuck. The outcome of the nightmare she knew by heart already, and she needed to stop it before she was forced to make a decision. To have to bear it again, that was pure torture.

The first she saw was Mr. Stalker, like always. His face twisted with the punches and kicks he gave to the bloody mass that represented her father. The blood was everywhere, but somehow Jeff Anderson was still alive, waiting for his dear daughter to help him, but Elina knew she could do nothing. With all the strength possible, she tried to not look at her house. Her mother was already engraved into her mind; she did not need to see her again, standing on the porch doing nothing.

In the corner of her eye, she saw movement, and once more she resisted the urge to look. Ville was there, she knew. Waiting. She concentrated on Mr. Stalker, his hands covered with blood as he continued to beat against the thing that at the beginning of the dream had looked like her father.

Her heart created bruises with every pound it did in her chest. It hurt unbearably, and though she knew that looking at her mother and then at Ville would cease that, she couldn't.