promised - kim namjoon

eight

A knock sounded on Tsai's dorm room door the very next morning, ruining the tranquil setting atmosphere within her room.

Tsai, angry and bothered, gets out of her bed and pulls on some yoga pants, wiping the saliva on the side of her lips. She shuffles to the door, and peeks through the eye hole. There, she sees an also very sleepy Namjoon outside, wearing a large hoodie and sweatpants.

Her eyes widen, and she hurriedly opens the door, tugging Namjoon inside her room. 

"What the hell is wrong with you? If a hall monitor saw you at this time, do you know how much trouble you would be in?" Tsai whispered angrily. She was very aware that the walls of this place was thin. 

"Why did you go out with him?" Namjoon mumbles, looking into her eyes solemnly. 

Tsai's angry mood settled down a little bit when Namjoon spoke. His voice is low and hurt, and his eyes are empty. The fact that Namjoon couldn't have waited until later to ask her that question proves just how much it affected him.

"He asked me, Namjoon," Tsai answered, "it was just ice cream." 

"So you don't want to talk about how you guys traveled around the city," Namjoon wondered, "and how you guys kissed when he dropped you off in front of your dorm?" 

Tsai cursed how much Taehyung loved to talk. The kiss, however, was not mutual. It just happened, she hugged him goodnight, and their lips met. Taehyung was just as shock as she was, but he was definitely more excited and giddy. 

"Namjoon, trust me," Tsai said softly, "it's not as big as Taehyung made it out to be. Sure, we went to other places, but the kiss was accident-"

"Didn't I tell you that I belonged to you and you belonged to me?" Namjoon interrupted. "Did that mean nothing to you at all?"

"You said it to me when we were on a damn subway train and I was angry with you," Tsai mentioned, "why would I think of you being serious?"

Namjoon sighed, ruffling his dyed gray hair and looking at the ceiling, obviously very upset with the words that Tsai is saying. Tsai, on the other hand, can't believe that Namjoon is upset, considering that he didn't even say his intentions with her at all (other than that one time in the coffee shop but that to Tsai just meant that he wanted to get in her pants).

"Do you like me?" Namjoon questioned, after a minute's silence. "Do you have any feelings for me at all?"

 Tsai turned her eyes away from him. "You're so confusing, how can you ask me such a question? How can you say something like that?"

"Is it too difficult for you to answer?" Namjoon's voice dropped as he switched to Korean. "You only have to tell me yes or n-"

"Namjoon, what kind of approach is this?" Tsai argued. "If you wanted me, you should've done a better job. I don't belong to you or anyone else, I came to Taiwan by myself. Alone. You cannot expect me to just be yours when you say so. You have to work for it, you have to work to be someone like me. I grew up learning that I'm worth too much for someone to pull such an approach like you did. If you're hurt, do better, because you have given me almost no good reason why you and I should be together."

Namjoon glanced at her angrily, his throat tightening a little when he let her words settle in his mind. She was right, ultimately, but he'd never admit it. Instead, he turns away from her, going back to the door so he could leave. 

"Why are you so infatuated with me anyways when I'm not even your soulmate? Why waste your time?" 

Namjoon stopped, letting go of the doorknob. 

"Why waste your time with Taehyung?" Namjoon shouted. "You know he isn't yours, you know that he's not the one for you but you keep falling for him. Then, you're going to be heartbroken with nobody when he finds someone that fits him better then you did with him." 

Tsai gazed at him as Namjoon took a deep breath, his eyes watering every so slightly.

"I'm jealous," he admitted, his voice soft and cracking, "of you and Taehyung. Even if you guys aren't for each other in the future, there's still someone out there for you, and I'm falling for someone that I would never have a chance with. I'm meant to be alone, meant to suffer and be without anyone, and it hurts."

With those final words, Namjoon opens the door and walks out, leaving Tsai alone in her bedroom.