Saturn - joshler

All the stars

"So how are the meds treating you?"

A woman looking to be in her early thirties pushes purple frames up the bridge of her nose. Her chestnut hair hangs in dull waves over her shoulders, the color unnatural. It drains her.

"Fine." Tyler answers, the grip on his water bottle tightening. His thumbnail scrapes over the hospital logo. "I don't want to swallow an entire bottle of them anymore if that's what you're really wondering."

His therapist sits up suddenly not uncomfortable, just surprised. "I wasn't, but that's always a good sign."

Tyler crosses his arms huffing a sigh. This was his second therapy session with his new Therapist and he was already ready to lie his way through every formality. What made matters better though is Josh had visited every day since he'd given Tyler the note one week ago. They'd talk for hours about anything and everything. Josh told Tyler his favorite color was toothpaste blue, and Tyler had told Josh his favorite pastime is writing poetry about things he doesn't understand. Josh had asked if Tyler understands him. Tyler had smiled and said that he thinks he does. That was yesterday.

"You've been here a little over a month now, Tyler. I think we should really talk about what was going through your mind during the incident." She says incident with a venomous tongue. Like the incident was him breaking his mother's vase or the law.

"I've been here for 6 weeks, and was unconscious for 3. I can't even get up and piss by myself without someone worrying, Angela. Do you really think talking about why my suicide attempt was unsuccessful would make me feel like moving on?" Tyler snaps, setting his water bottle back on the table.

Angela just rubs at her eye underneath her glasses, smudging the makeup she most likely forgot she was wearing. "I think we're done for today then. I'll see you on Thursday, Tyler."

Tyler mumbles a goodbye, uncrossing his arms. He'd changed rooms a few days before, getting situated in the psych ward of the hospital to begin phase 2 of his recovery. The room looks the same and his doctor hasn't changed, but the rooms around him now contain people with the same wounds as his.

His parents had managed to find him the night he moved and brought him his notebook and some magazines. He'd opened the worn cover of the notebook immediately after they'd left and placed Josh's note inside. Not folded or crumpled. Just messy black ink smoothed over the page. Simple yet complex. Like Josh.

He's somewhat nervous now though, that Josh won't be able to find him. He might go to his old room and someone won't tell him where Tyler's moved. Would he be too weirded out to visit the ward? Would he think Tyler's crazy?

His head races faster than his heartbeat when he suddenly hears a knock on the door and in Josh walks. Looking brighter and more beautiful than he ever has.

Tyler's stomach flips.

Josh sits in his chair again- Tyler's started calling it Josh's chair despite the majority of his family sitting in it almost as regularly as Josh has- Fiddling with the string on his hoodie. It's a pale blue. Toothpaste blue. "Hi."

"Hey," Tyler smiles. He knows he's known Josh forever; it's clear to him now. His fingers feel familiar and his voice is one he's heard before in love songs and in the buzz of honeybees.

"How are you feeling?" Josh asks, toe tapping against the linoleum.

Tyler avoids saying, 'calmer. You help me breathe.' And says "Better," instead.

"Good." Josh replies, seeming genuinely giddy and happy. He scoots forward in the chair and takes Tyler's hand from his lap. Josh's fingers burn red hot and pulse under his skin. The heat travels to Tyler's cheeks.