Saturn - joshler

What I wouldn't do

The next week goes by in a blur of warm color.

Tyler's parents begin to visit less often, but also notice their son getting brighter. He almost welcomes them into his room on evenings they decide to come in for visits. It's good and it's enough. They don't ask.

Every night since their first kiss Josh has visited- luckily just missing Tyler's parents' departure every time- whisking him away to the roof like a princess in a fairytale. Like a dream he'd forgotten he'd had. They would sit and talk about the world and everything in it. Their hopes and worst fears. They would make out a little too, but the only traces of that are the lingering smiles and kind words to the nurses in the morning when Tyler pretends to wipe a full night's sleep from his eyes.

The nurses are certainly taken aback at first because of his usually cynical behavior, but it becomes nice when they notice the bags under his eyes getting darker and heavier but the rest of his skin glowing with youth.

Tyler finds himself smiling and laughing and loving and welcoming the world back in with open arms. But if you asked he'd certainly deny it.

His therapist sits with him now, on a bright and sunny Thursday afternoon. She twirls her hair silently. Tyler notices she's gotten highlights, and her lipstick isn't smudged on her teeth. She smiles at him warmly. "So, how are the meds treating you?"

He answers, almost, in his usual way, but his face glows, and she notices. She's always noticing. Just like him. "Fine."

Her fingers stall in her hair and she brings them down to her clipboard. She looks as if she's contemplating something as she tosses it, and the pen onto her bag on the floor. "Off the record," Her left eyebrow raises in suspicion, "You're doing much better and It's not because of the drugs. I don't know why, but if you want to talk about it I won't write it down this time."

This session seems far away from the second one a week and a half prior. This, now their fifth time meeting almost seemed childish in a way. Like they were friends gossiping at a sleepover.

"C'mon, Tyler." She urges, lacing manicured fingers together. He wonders if she got some kind of bonus check for dealing with him. Or something entirely different. A man had asked her to dinner or her sister's wedding was that afternoon. "I might be a child psychologist ," she uses air quotes around her title, rolling her eyes, "but I'm only 23, and you're 17! You're practically an adult."

He glances around the room uncomfortably for a minute pondering. It takes every shred of willpower he has left to bite his tongue when all he wants to say is he's met a boy . A beautiful boy who has the galaxy painted on his arm. A boy who kisses him like the sun kisses the earth, and holds him like the earth holds the moon. He's always left letting himself down. "There's a- someone."

Angela perks up then, like someone had slipped an IV of espresso into her elbow. "A someone?"

"Yeah it doesn't really matter, though." Tyler stammers, going to press cold fingertips to his throat before Angela's hand stops him warily.

"No, it's great. What's her name? Or his name. I don't judge." She pulls her hand back, wiping it messily on her sweater. He sees the look in her eye as one trying to stay professional. She's probably a sister or a daughter. A mother maybe. She has comfort in her blood.

"He has pink hair, and writes me notes," Tyler mumbles softly, lost in thought. He thinks back to the morning after that first night on the roof. He remembers finding another note sitting on the table that read 'How I'd end the world for you. -j,' and realizes quickly that he didn't answer Angela's question. "His name is Josh." He whispers through smile-bared teeth, also noticing how her face falls just a bit, but she still seems genuinely interested.

"I'd love to meet him someday." She answers just as quietly as Tyler had, glancing at her watch. "I guess if there's no bad news, I'll see you on Tuesday. Oh and hey,"

Tyler looks up from where he has his hands clasped gently in his lap, blush spread across his cheeks.

"Tomorrow's movie night, you know, where they crank out the old projector in the lobby and all the kids invite friends or family or whatever." She slings her bag over her shoulder, purple and thick like her glasses. "You should invite Josh."

Tyler's loud smirk and nod serves as a soundtrack to her heavy footsteps as she leaves the room.

•

"You can't tell them." Josh snaps, hands retracting. He clasps them and holds them ice cold steady in his lap. "You shouldn't I mean. You shouldn't tell them I've been coming to see you."

Tyler sits up from where he lays in josh's sweatshirt in the gravel of the roof. "Why not?" He reaches out to Josh taking his hands again, peering, watching the way they flex and shake aching to be left alone. "Why're you shaking?"

Josh's head whips up from where his eyes are trained on their hands and looks at Tyler. "I'm not." Tyler's eyes melt his exterior and the night air doesn't seem as chilling anymore. "It's just..my home you know. I'm not supposed to be here as often as I have been."

"Is it your family?" Tyler asks, situating himself so that his legs are crossed and his thigh is flushed fully against Josh's. He wonders momentarily if his theories about Josh being not of this earth were true with the way he says he isn't supposed to be here. "I won't tell if you'd get in trouble I-"

"I don't have a family." Josh interrupts. He doesn't look as sad as Tyler thought he would though when he looks into his eyes. They're just as safe and calm as they ever are. Not having a family isn't something Tyler knew about him, but to Josh it just seems like something extra that he doesn't tell many people because it's just a fact. One of his nothings. Tyler doesn't question it.

"Okay. I won't tell anyone. I promise." Tyler agrees, nodding and cracking a small smile before crawling into Josh's lap. Where he'd been before he was so rudely interrupted. "As long as you maybe do something for me?"

"Oh what I wouldn't do for you." Josh reveals before closing the gap between them.