Flicker | ✔️

Chapter 68: Cale

I make my way towards the hospital room where Maya is. Each step seems to drain more and more of my energy and I feel heavier, consciousness weighing on me as I finally reach her room.

You're disgusting you don't deserve to talk to her, my mind whispers. You fucked your mom.

I painfully swallow as I press the thought away. She ruined my life. She's the disgusting one. Not me.

I count the room numbers as I pass them knowing where Maya is, yet also wanting to never reach her room.

407.

My heart starts beating faster as I stand behind the closed door. If I open it, Maya will be there, her eyes closed, lying in bed. I've never felt so stressed in my entire life.

Why is that so?

Is it my guilty conscious?

I shake my head. No, that can't be it. After all it wasn't my fault she crossed the road without looking.

But it's your felt she ran in the rain with tears in her eyes, the voice taunted me.

It's not true. It's not my fault. It can't be.

I bring my hand up, ready to open the door yet hesitant to do so. Is this morally correct? Am I allowed to see her like this? Is this even appropriate? If she were awake, would she want to see me?

I stop haunting myself with questions that will never be answered. The what ifs mean nothing because they remain as they are; hypothetical. I slide open the door before another lucid thought makes it way inside my head.

There she lied, her face looking as pure as an angel. Immediately my nervousness leaves to simply admire her strength. She's alive after being hit by a car. She survived. She's a warrior. She has a stitch on her forehead, only the one stitch, and a cut by her lip, yet she looks so perfectly flawless.

Her skin appears a little paler than it usual is, her lips a little redder but her eyes are covered by her eyelids. Normally they are the portal to her feelings, the way her eyes look at me. Now they're hidden. Her eyelashes are long and brown, like the color of her natural hair which is starting to show at her roots although the color is subtle and faded.

She's still so vibrantly beautiful. Despite her lifeless form, I still see her chest slowly, but evidently, moving up and down in a steady pace. I sit down on a stool by her bed before slowly caressing her cheek.

I miss you...

I never did get the chance to tell her what happened.

"Hey Maya, if you can hear this, the first thing I want to say is sorry. Sorry for never truly letting you know how much I trust you, love you and cherish you. The thing is, I do trust you, a lot, unlike what you thought. It's just that I'm not like all other boys. I was scared you would find me disgusting or gross or even worse, not want to get near me. I didn't want you to hate me which is why I never told you. Furthermore, I've never really told anyone. The only person I told is the school nurse and yet, I didn't fully tell her everything. I couldn't fully admit to her that this was still happening, that my mother is still... Using me."