Flicker | ✔️

Chapter 61: Maya

The lights around me seem to dim as I approach the gym lockers, carefully placing myself in a corner where nobody else is, where I can stare without being seen although I know it's impossible for them to see me. Then there she is. The old me who is now about 11 years old changes out of her sports clothes, covering herself behind a locker. Other girls soon join her, chatting away as she undresses herself in silence before leaving once again, too lazy to change clothes in the lockers. Just as she pulling her school uniform top over her head, a group of girls she knows she doesn't like walks towards her.

Them, I recall bitterly.

"Oh, look it's the rich girl!" one girl, Cindy if I remember correctly comments walking from behind me, her followers squeaking idiotic laughters behind her.

I simply stare as my old self keeps quiet in her corner, choosing to ignore the obnoxious girls.

"So Maya," she starts while walking towards the old me, malicious grins on the girls' faces. "what will you get on your birthday? A mansion? A million dollars?" They snicker needlessly in her face, my face.

I start to feel my blood boil. Ugh, girls like that annoy me. I get out of hiding, making my way towards them before I realize it's all too useless. Whether I hide or not doesn't matter: they can't see me. I can't do anything. I get closer to see my reaction and I guess I'm more surprised than anything else. I didn't remember that that day in the lockers, I chose to smile rather than get mad or show them my weaknesses. I smiled although I'm sure the words stung.

"Are you done here? You're wasting my time." The old me replies, her smile sarcastic and her words sharp like knives as she tilts her head ever so slightly to continue the intimidation effect. And it worked brilliantly. It always did. It was my go-to technique back then.

"Whatever you're a creep anyways." The leader of the pack, Cindy, walks away, her three followers staying close behind her, giving a few last glares and side-eyes before leaving.

I stare a the old me as her mask of confidence immediately falling apart to show her grim face. I approach her, my eyes staring at the little girl with long dark brown hair and doe amber eyes. Her eyes hold sadness and pain, yet to anybody else that was shielded by her layer of strength of will. Nobody would have seen the little girl that barely saw her dad, or was often showered with gifts that meant nothing to her. No. She wanted human contact, hugs, kisses, not tangible things which would never fill the void in her heart.

I wrap my arms around her, her head buried in my faded chest although I know she can't feel anything. I feel her warmth, like she's the core being of... Me. Then, something unexpected happens. She flinches. Does she feel me? I look down at her as her eyes look through me, past my non-substantial body that isn't visible to her. My loose slackens and I move away as she grabs her clothes impatiently and shoves them into her bag before swinging it over her shoulder and heading back home.

That's when I remember. Tomorrow is my 12th birthday.

Of course.

How could I forget?

I follow her as she walks home, her steps quick and hurried. I always hated my old school and this memory just refreshed that buried dislike for it. I simply followed her home, to my home. She opened the door. Her eyes didn't stay glued on the ruckus on the floor or my parents arguing about some trivial matter. They didn't even turn to greet her as she entered.

"No, Mary! Nothing will ever excuse the fact that you cheated on me multiple times! I don't believe in your so-called love anymore and I never will!" He yells, wheezing slightly before taking another chug of alcohol.

"Honey, stop with the wine." My mom tells him softly, defeat oozing out of her voice as she gives an exasperated sigh.

She reaches out to take the bottle from him but he hurriedly slaps her hand away, rewarding her a deadly glare. She looks down in submission, shame flushing her cheeks red.

"I don't know who you are." She mutters under her breath. If he catches it, he doesn't say anything about it. Instead he turns towards the old me.

"Maya!" He calls as she stops midway up the stairs.

This memory is clear as day to me. I remember everything that happened at this exact moment.

She turns around, making her way down the stairs again. My father lights a cigarette before taking a puff and blowing the air away from my young face.

"How was your day?" He asks the old me calmly, his whole demeanor changing.

She's hesitant to smile at him as my mother glares from behind him, her eyes filled with jealousy, envy and pure contempt.

She looks back into my own father's eyes which no longer hold any kind of hatred.

"I got 100% on my maths test and 24 out of 25 in English." She says uncertain of which tone she should be using in this tense moment.

There is a light pause as my father's smile grows and my mother's scowl deepens and she finds herself gripping on more tightly to my school-bag strap.

"Excellent Maya! That's my girl! Darren was never really a fanatic of education but I can see you making it to the top!"

He sets his hand on her head and tilts it upwards to stare into his eyes, hers full of wonder and astonishment.

"Always be a good girl!" He says warmly, his smile seeming to lighten up her mood instantly. I feel a smile carve on my face as I watch this scene, my dad with a smile on his face. "Now, go to your room." He says his voice light and playful.

"Yes, dad!" she replied before scurrying up the stairs and into my room. I follow behind her, taking the time to go each step and turning to try to watch my dad's face but I can't, the scene behind me turns to black as my memories don't allow me to see this much. The old me never saw what expression he had after that, so naturally I can't see something different. I can't go back in the best, but I can simply witness it again.

I watch her from the door as she smiles giddily in the mirror, leaning against the side, a sincere smile on my lips. At that moment, I was the happiest. I hadn't been given my dad's attention for weeks between his meetings, sophisticated parties and recurring fights with my mom - as at that moment I could still call her that - he just never had time to see both Darren and I. That wait was worthwhile as that smile was priceless.

Little did the old me know that that smile and those words of his would mean so much more than what she had anticipated. No, it was going to change me as a person, going to rewrite me.