Flicker | ✔️

Chapter 69: Maya

I see nothing, yet I hear the voice of someone familiar speak. It's a guy with a deep and soothing voice. It's nice to hear. He's speaking and I hear him; unable to answer or comment on what he is saying. He knows me and I'm confused as to what he's talking about.

"It started when I was seven. She was dependent of my father and when he simply left her without any notice to simply go marry another woman, a blonde big-boobed model, she broke down. My mother needed me. So she simply showed me a different kind of love which I didn't quite understand. Back then, I just thought I was more special than the other kids, than Jack. But I was wrong. I started to understand around the age of 12 that something wasn't right. At first I simply kept quiet shying away from the situation, too scared, too embarrassed to mention anything to anyone. I then rejected her love and lust and simply stayed away from her as much as possible. She became depressed and so did I. Then there was a moment where my whole life felt numb and dull. Nothing made sense."

More and questions start unfolding as he goes on. Why would his mother touch him? Why is he telling me this? But I ignore them to simply listen, in my immobile state.

"It was around 14 that I started to going to my mom for affection. The tension that builded up in me was too strong to ignore, and having sex released that tension. She wasn't alone. I had other girls at my feet too."

A playboy?

"Then I met Daisy and to be honest, I don't really want to discuss what happened with my ex, but I feel like I have to. I should have told you a long time ago, and now I regret not having done that because the look on your face when you saw me with her drilled a hole in my own heart. Know that I was going to choose you. I was blackmailed by Daisy that she would tell you about my mother and I, if she can even be called that. Daisy basically helped me through that stage when drinks and drugs were a frequent activity I indulged in. But then I got better, slowly but surely. After she just suddenly left, I felt everything go down on me again.

"Nothing made actual sense. The life I presumed was normal was now gone. Instead, because of my distrust for Daisy and my mother, I simply assumed all women were the same: fleeting untrustworthy creatures of lust, incapable of honest love. All the girls that came up to me to give me their signs of affection when they didn't even know me simply fueled my hate for women."

I feel a pang in my heart. Why does it hurt so much to hear him speak?

"After Daisy's abandonment, I went back again to trying to ignore my mother but she blackmailed me. She told me if I couldn't fill the void, Jack would. I didn't see through her lies at first. I simply thought she was serious, but when I understood her attraction was solely for me and not Jack I simply left her again. My father came back home, revealing more hidden secrets and luring Jack with his temporary kindness and to be frank, I hate them both. I do. I hate them so much. I want to leave them behind and take Jack with me. I wanted to go right after graduation, but then you came along."

I feel my heart pick up speed, gradually getting faster and faster until I feel it pulsating through my body and arteries.

"At first, I admit, I didn't know exactly what you wanted, or why you were convinced to find me out, as if I were suspicious. Perhaps I was. Perhaps this secret of mine is worth all the suspicion. Either way, you mesmerized me in a way no one else did. You searched into me and rather than simply look past me, you looked through me. Some part of you simply cared about a mess-up like me and I was just mesmerized. You, who cared about me while you had your own problems at home, mesmerized me. And trust me when I say, I've never been mesmerized before. I've been impressed, shaken, perturbed, but never mesmerized. You gave a sense of longing that nobody else gave me, and I know right now if you were awake you would give me one of those looks, the look you give when you're worried about me that's so adorably cute. And you would try to comfort me even though I probably don't need it and apologize for ever asking about me in the first place..."

I'm sorry. The voice in my mind speaks on its own, like my whole being simply craved to say it aloud, and I slowly feel my heart beating so fast that I need more air.

"You were the one to wake me up, wake me from this nightmare, make me look forward to seeing you and having fun in a hellish world that never loved me. Yet you gave me affection when my own parents couldn't. You gave me hope. Hope for something better than what I had planned. Even Jack couldn't fulfill the gaping wound in my heart and yet, you could."

My mind hurts, my body aches for a name and face. Cale. Cale is his name. Cale is the one who's going to wake me.

"So, I just want to say, in case you never wake up, or wake up when I no longer can be around; I love you, and no matter where I am when you wake up, whether it be in heaven, hell or the very earth we live in, be sure that I will follow you straightaway and come find you. Maya, I love you."

The heartbeat monitor starts getting louder as it records my beating heart and I'm not sure what's going on but I feel a bolt of electricity, a buildup of energy in me and suddenly I clench my wrist.

What's going on? That's not me...

I hear Cale get up suddenly from the stool, making it fall but his feet don't move as I can't hear his steps.

Then my eyes open with a jolt. Everything is so bright and blurry. I can't see clearer.

So white.

I sit up slowly feeling an aching pain in my head and I cover my eyes with the palm of my hand, trying to wait for a good quality image. I blink a few times and then I can see. Cale's face is shocked as he stands beside my bed, his eyes widened.

I hear the door slide open, Gigi's body coming in as I open my mouth to talk.

"Cale. Who are you?"