I Can't Place It

the stars will align

Not much, but pain.

•
//Dan

I woke up from that horrid night to no one there.

I still thought you were going to come back, so I went to work like any other day. After that I came home late like I always did, but I had saw some beautiful flowers at the shop I worked at that I thought you would like. I couldn't really afford them, but they were for you so I got them.

I called out your name when I got home, and I was smiling because I couldn't wait to see your bright blue eyes light up at the sight of the flowers. You loved plants.

But you weren't home.

I would've called you then, but I didn't. I thought, 'He'll be back tomorrow.'

But you weren't.

And every day you weren't home when I got back I looked at those flowers I bought for you, all set up in a vase. Waiting. They were dying.

By the end of the week they were dead, and I was mad again because I wasted my money on those for you, and you were being a prick by not coming home. So, I finally called you. You didn't answer.

I called you a lot. You never answered.
I was devastated, Phil. Where had you gone? I bet you got a lot of voicemails both angry and sad. I bet you listened to every one because you're Phil Lester. I was missing you like crazy.

You'd actually left me.

And finally you called back. I was so quick to answer. I probably looked terrible from all the crying, but it's not like you could see. But could you hear all the hurt in my voice?

I can't help but look back, and realize it was all my fault. I was such a bad boyfriend. We were high school sweethearts. We won King and King at the prom, but we were failing long before that, weren't we?

In the end, you were still a sensitive boy with lip rings and tattoos, and I was still a conceited boy with pastel sweaters, and flower crowns.

We were just opposites.

It's been four years since I've heard your beautiful voice.

I still called that first year, but you never answered. I told you I missed you a lot.

I know I never told you this when I should've, but I love you.

So, so much.