Diary of a Loner..

Diary of a Loner.. 12

Dear Diary,

He is so cute when he sleeps. He looks so peaceful, his face is the picture of perfection. His soft eyelids flutter as he dreams contently. This day has been wonderful, well of course every day spent with Daniel is wonderful. But this one has been the best so far. Our afternoon on the island has been eventful, no it's been spectacular! Every second has been enjoyable. We're just after having our romantic picnic on the beach and Daniel is after drifting off into slumber. Giving me the time to write in my diary.

I wonder how he'd feel if he knew I was writing about him? I hope he doesn't know, actually I hope he never see's my diary because that'd be embarrassing. All I ever seem to talk about is him. Hell I might as well be writing his bloody biography I talk about him so much. I can't help it though, he is always on my mind and I want to record every moment with him. I want to be able to look back on this diary in twenty years time and remember how happy I was. 

I wonder where I'll be in twenty years time? I wonder whether Daniel and I will still be together, will we be married in twenty years time? That's a scary thought, twenty years is forever away, I'm too young to be thinking that far ahead. Dammit Faye stop planning your future with him. There's no guarantee we'll even still be together at the end of the summer. Oh my god. I need to stop, I'm only ruining this perfect day by thinking like that. Crap, my eyes are beginning to water. OK breathe, breathe Faye, come on don't cry. Stop and breathe.. 

Right, so anyway, he loved his present and he's reaction was just as I expected. He jumped up and down like a five year old hugging the lego to his chest. He also loved the mix tape and the clothes. He kissed me tenderly as a thank you and I melted into him as I felt his soft lips against mine. They really are unbelievably soft, I could kiss those lips all day long if I had the chance. 

I'm really looking forward to the party later on, I know Daniel is going to love the surprise. Oh crap, he's waking up, I better put this away before he asks what I'm doing. OK diary, I'll write again later after the party.

Dear Diary,

It has only been eight hours since I last wrote in you but yet I have so much to tell you! So much has happened and it's not all good.. Ok I'll start from the start, ya that's a good idea it'll help get my head straight right? Ok right am.. Ya I stopped writing in you because Daniel woke up, we still had another few hours to kill before we had to head back to town for his surprise party. We decided we might as well go for a swim. It was after getting a bit late in the afternoon but the sun was still shining brightly and the air was hot and sticky. So we stripped off and submerged our sweating bodies in the cool blue sea water.  I must have forgotten how well toned Daniel is because when he took off his top, I couldn't help but drool at him for a few minutes.

As per usual we had a really great time, there was this really pretty secluded beach that we swam to and we spent about an hour messing about in the water and jumping off the smooth rocks surrounding it. As the sun began to sink it created this magnificent red hue in the sky. Evening was setting in and we took that as our cue to leave. The boat trip home was relaxing, we cuddled up against each other and my head was laying on his chest. We didn't say a word but just sat in the silence, appreciating the moment.

It was a little disappointing when we made it back to reality. I was so wrapped up in our day together that I'd forgotten how busy and noisy the mainland could be. We walked the beach for a few moments hand in hand. It was only when the sun was nearing the horizon that I suggested that we call up to Scott's for a bit. He happily agreed and we strolled towards his house in a comfortable silence. The excitement was building up inside of me as we reached Scott's house, I was nearly jumping up and down when we arrived at the door, the fact that I knew what was going to happen and he didn't made me giddy. I slowly turned the door handle and softly pushed the door opened. 

SURPRISE! The look on Daniels face was hilarious, he turned to me and I of course was grinning like an eejit. He swiftly pulled me into a hug and kissed me. My cheeks were burning as he pulled away, I still wasn't used to those public display's of affection. The party went into full swing as soon as the birthday cake was brought out. The place wasn't packed which I was happy with, I wasn't up for one of those parties where the house is overloaded with people nobody even knows. There was a nice crowd of us and everybody knew each other.

Daniel wouldn't let me leave his side all night, which I was very pleased with. It was great because we were able to socialize with others but be with each other as well. Seeing as it was Scott who was throwing the party there was alcohol present, now I have never had a drink before. I pledged I wouldn't touch the stuff until I was a mature sixteen. I broke that pledge tonight, I'm not really proud of it because I like to stick to my word. All though at the time I was on such a high from the day I had spent with Daniel, the music, the party they were all making me feel very alive that I thought what the hell a small bit won't do any harm. I was wrong.

The moment I took a sip from one of those plastic cups, things started going pear shaped. I was still having a great time and I wasn't drunk or anything just a small bit tipsy but the drink had messed with my judgement. Daniel and I were dancing away together having a ball, when he decided to go get another drink. Mind you he doesn't drink either, but it was his birthday. He hadn't gone over board with it, he was responsible about it but he still wasn't in the best state of mind either. Honestly at this stage no one was.

I got bored standing on my own waiting for him while everyone was dancing, I scanned the crowded living room and my eyes landed on Scott. I'd barely seen him all night so I bounded over to him and instantly began dancing with him. I wasn't really aware of what I was doing so it came as a bit of a shock to me when I realised how close Scott and I had become. My hands were wrapped around his neck and his were on my waist. I gulped as I looked into those enticing green eyes of his, they were hypnotising.

The music was pounding through my body, I was still dancing with him. It was becoming more and more intimate and I wasn't pulling away. Eventually I came to my senses and I unravelled my hands from their grip around his neck, he did the same. We both looked at each other for a few seconds more when it hit us what had actually just happened. Scott's face was the image of shock and guilt and I can only bet that mine was the exact same. My head swung around frantically checking the room to see if anyone saw us, Scott was doing the same.

Everyone seemed to be too busy enjoying themselves to take notice of us. I let out a sigh of relief but that still didn't wash the guilt away. I turned back to Scott but he was gone. I couldn't enjoy the rest of the night I felt horrible, I don't know how I managed to let that happend. I didn't want to face Daniel, I couldn't. Secretly without anyone knowing I left the party.

Diary what am I going to do I am a horrible person, why did this happen? It's Daniel's birthday for crap's sake, how could I do this to him! 

Was it the drink? Was I just confused from it, did it alter my judgement, is that why I danced with him so intimately? I'm going to have to tell Daniel, I can't keep this from him. He'll be angry but I know he'll understand if I just explain it to him. I hope. 

Oh no.. I just got a text from Scott he said to keep quiet and that we need to talk. I don't want to talk I don't want to be near that boy. I obviously can't be trusted with him. I most certainly can't keep quiet, I need to tell Daniel. Ugh he just sent me another text. He seems desperate, maybe I should talk to him, maybe it's best for us to talk amongst ourselves first and then I can go to Daniel. Scott is one of his best friends, I can imagine he is feeling the exact same as me. Ok i can do this I'll go talk things through with him tomorrow and we'll sort out this mess. I hope I don't regret talking to him.

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